Bed Rest

On Monday I was sent from work to Botsford hospital by ambulance because of a back injury. It took 3 doses of Fentanyl and 4 men to move me from the kennel room to the ambulance. I would take childbirth any day over what I felt. After being at Botsford for almost 6 hours, they couldn't tell me anything and/or control the pain properly. In my opinion Botsford ER sucks! Tuesday I had an MRI and yesterday I went to my internist for my results. I have a bulging disc between L5 and S1 with degeneration and arthritis in my sacrum, she said that it wasn't really normal for my age, but hey nothing ever is in my case. The good news is that the the disc is not completely herniated and cutting off the nerve supply but the inflammation that all this has caused, intermittently puts too much pressure on my nerves. So she has also started me on Prednisone (yeah so I get to gain 10 pounds). After the pain and numbness resolves I will be starting rehab. So as of right now I am sporting this baby.......
Having a quad level house doesn't make life any easier, but I am starting to master the stairs. I have only fallen once and Eli (thank God) was there to catch me.
Erika helps me get dressed in the morning (what a big girls she is). Olivia loves to do anything for me. She has even been doing some laundry. Makenna has picked up on things and tries to help as much as a 2 year old can and she keeps me smiling through the day. I have the greatest friends and family. My Mom and Dad have been here almost everyday. Kimmy is taking over the mommy role for my sick kitty. Jen brought dinner over Monday night, Cath came over and spent the day with me, folded laundry for me, took me to the doctor, made dinner, and made me laugh. I can't even begin to tell everything Eli has done, some things I cannot elaborate on. He has been my sole support system and I can honestly now say he has seen me at my worst.
I am a control freak and relying on other people is very difficult for me. I feel helpless and useless. Thank God for the all the important people in my life, I just hope one day I can return the favor.
So to make a long story short....I am in pain, highly medicated, and very bored. So if anyone is bored and wants to be bored with me, come on over and you could bring me some people or star magazines. I love the gossip smut magazines. I want my independence back and I am trying to find the humor in all of this.

Ryan's feminine side

Erika, Lauren, and Olivia were born one after another. They have pretty much been raised together treat each other like sisters which includes sibling rivalry. All girls included a lot of whining and foo foo stuff. We had a little break, then we saw a light....A BOY. Poor Ryan. He has been with girls girls girls. He has adapted well. He likes to play dress up and princesses with Makenna (as you can see above). Eli and Jeff are constantly chasing him around telling him to put that down or take that off..."be a man". I love Ryan and I think he is perfect just the way he is. He definitely knows how to play like a boy, he is just in touch with his feminine side. He will make some woman very happy one day. Makenna and Ryan are great together and it's a nice break from the constant bickering that Erika, Lauren, and Olivia do.

Vesta

Vesta is an orphan kitty that I have been taking care of since Saturday. She has had her good days and bad days. She has a severe upper respiratory infection. So I have been tube feeding her, medicating her every 4 hours and being her Mommy. Yes I am falling in love with her. If I put her down she finds me and follows me all around the house. This is the reason why I already have 4 cats. I cannot Mother something and then give it away. Eli is trying to remind me that we don't live in animal kingdom.

A visit with Sophia and Marina

Erika and Sophia

Makenna, Olivia, and Marina

The Dennis's came over last Saturday night and the girls were up and cheerful until 11pm. Bobby and I were dwindling before they were. Marina and Makenna are so fun to watch. It is nice to see Makenna interact with children her own age. I can't believe Marina and Makenna are growing up so fast. I hope they stay the best of friends. It seems like yesterday that I was still watching Marina and my days were filled with diaper changes and bottles. I don't miss the babies crying and needing to be fed at the same time or waking each other up from their naps, but I do miss all the precious moments. Marina was like my forth child and I feel like I don't even know Sophia because of life's busyness. She is a happy baby and has big beautiful blue eyes.

My Big Sis

Diane is graduating tonight from U of M Flint. She will now hold a bachelor's degree in social work with HONORS and will be moving on in the near future for her Masters degree. I am so proud of my big sister. She has worked so hard! Diane is a huge inspiration to me! Great Job Di!!! Wish I could be there to see you tonight, but I will be with you in spirit! YOU DID IT!!!!

This could be Eli one day......

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband. "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked. "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would only have to spend $150?"

The man then replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

It's Official

Dear Dana,

We have completed Phase II review of your application for the Career Ladder Nursing Program. You have been admitted to the Fall 2008 class. Please accept my congratulations!

The rest of the letter pretty much read blah blah blah, orientation meeting blah blah blah. Holy crap I did it! In roughly 25 months, I will be an RN!!

Twin Lake Chalet

The view during the day

The view at night

The Cottage

Diane and I put many hours into a search that seemed endless at times. We looked online at so many different websites. We have talked to people on the phone and through email. At one time I think I had over 50 emails that were conversations back and forth to renters, Diane, Jeff, and Eli. Well the original one we wanted ended up having a cancellation come up on Saturday. Diane had jumped on it and we have reserved it for 1 week at the end of June. We are going with the good ol' Meadors family. This cottage is perfect! It is equipped with boats, tubing, fishing equipment, game room, private beach, horseshoes, fire pit, and fully stocked wine cellar. What we will add is lots of laughter, probably some tears (with Makenna it's inevitable), euchre tournaments (Jeff and I will of coarse prevail), Texas hold'em, exquisite barbecued food by Chef Eli and Chef Jeff and lots of memories! I am in need of some family time and knowing it is in the near future makes life a little easier. The one thing it won't be is quiet, that's for sure, but that's just part of the territory.

Thank You Norma Pegram

I received two envelopes from LCC yesterday. One being in a regular envelope and the other in a BIG envelope. I let Eli open letters from LCC because I would rather hear bad or good news from him, it went like this........

Dear Dana,

CONGRATULATIONS! On behalf of the LCC Foundation Board of Directors, it is my pleasure to inform you that you have been selected to receive the LPN Scholarship in Honor of Mrs. Pegram. This award covers the 2008-2009 academic year (fall and spring semester) and will be administered through the LCC Office of Financial Aid.

We congratulate you on your academic achievements and wish you every success as you pursue your career goals her at Lansing Community College.

Sincerely,
Susan D. Fisher
Director of College Advancement

I hated school, I was never a good student. I received horrible grades and struggled all through grade school, junior high, high school, and college (the first time around). Without an acceptance into the nursing program as of yet (a couple more weeks of agony before I should find out). It keeps my spirits up knowing that someone believes in me enough to give me money for a goal they believe I will achieve. I didn't expect to receive any scholarship. I filled out an application, had two letters of recommendation (from Dr. Muns and my academic adviser) and wrote a personal statement and hoped for the best. It was a pat on the back for me, to actually know that all I did to redeem myself academically was noticed. Last night, laying in bed with Eli, I thanked him and told him that this scholarship was for him too. If it wasn't for him, his support, his help, I would have never been able to accomplish what I did and get the grades I did. I love being able to share these moments of greatness with him. I could not have done this alone or ever want to do this journey without him. This accomplishment I truly share with Eli, because we did it together.
The scholarship doesn't pay for all my tuition for the next year, but it will help and it is money that I don't have to pay back! What a great feeling!
One of the reasons that I chose LCC was because half way through the RN program I will be eligible to take the National Council Licensing Examination – Practical Nurse (NCLEX-PN). If I pass the examination I can work as a Licensed Practical Nurses (LPN) while I finish my second year. Some employers have been known to help with tuition for the second year if you sign a contract saying you will work in their facility after graduation.

Oh.....so that's what God is doing

I had to laugh this morning when I read this bible verse for the day on my Google homepage.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Bowling for a cure

The relay for life walk that I am participating in is having a bowling fundraiser at MerriBowl lanes on Friday April 25th at 9:15pm. Tickets are $20 per person and includes three games of bowling, a piece of pizza and a pop. Shoes will .99 cents, small price to pay to share feet lint (sorry, I think renting bowling shoes is a lot like wearing someone else's underwear). Spending a night with Eli and I.......priceless. The money will go toward our booth at the relay to help up sell hats, food, etc. Oh and there also will be 50/50 drawings that night.

It's all about me......

I know....my house is a mess
I believe...in God
I fought....for almost everything I have
I am angered....by disrespectful and hurtful people
I love....everyone in my life
I take.....things too seriously
I hear....Makenna playing and talking to herself when she should be napping
I drink...too much coffee
I hate.....doing bills
I use.....mistakes as learning experiences
I want......to be out of debt
I like......who I am
I feel.....exhausted
I wear.....whatever is most comfortable
I left....work on time last night
I do.....everything I can for my family
I hope....for the future
I dream...of a vacation
I drive....well, even though my husband doesn't agree
I listen....to music all the time
I type....very well
I think.....I can get through it
I need...Eli's strength and support
I wish...I already finished nursing school
I am....a thankful wife, a loving mother, a great friend, sister, daughter, and student
I regret.....not believing in myself enough to go to nursing school after high school
I care...about everything and everyone that is a part of my life
I should...take a shower
I am....usually happy, goofy and slightly obnoxious
I said....I love chocolate near my area
I wonder....why God hasn't given up on me yet
I changed....too many diapers
I cry...when I watch girly movies
I lose....my car keys, camera and cell phone all the time
I leave...no one behind

NO MORE DIAPERS

Makenna is officially potty trained, including night-night time! This is the first time in over 8 years that we will not have to buy diapers, wipes, pull-ups, or goodnight panties! WHEW, that was a long ride. I never have to clean a poopy diaper again, at least until grandchildren come along......

Spinning my wheels

I am absent. That would be the one word that describes me at this moment. I haven't been answering my phone. If you don't have a problem with your animal, I have nothing to talk to you about. Every muscle in my body is sore. Work has consumed me and and spit me out. I don't remember the last time I had a real adult conversation that didn't consist of children and/or animals. It has almost been a month since I worked less than a 45-50 hours in a week. I am trying to find the time and energy to be with and truly enjoy my family and my house and I am ultimately failing.
Yes I know that things could be worse and I should feel grateful and blessed for all the wonderful things in my life. I should be grateful that Eli and I are employed and have each other and healthy children. It would actually be easier if I actually had time to enjoy the wonderful things in my life. There isn't enough time nor energy left.
The sad part about it, is with all the work I have been doing, we have caught up on how bad we were financially, but still have nothing to show for it. Once school starts again, it will be just as bad once again. One good thing is work will not be all that I am. I would rather be by myself studying than be with some of the people I work with that have a total lack of respect for one another. It is frustrating that I am putting so much effort into something that I feel is so unrewarding. I don't expect special attention for a job well done, but a simple thank you once in a while would be nice. Not the constant nagging, disrespect, demanding and bitching. Being with the animals is what gets me through the day, knowing that I am actually helping them, they even seem more grateful most of the time. I am having a problem with people and I am starting to question if I will be able to handle it in the medical field without the animals to buff the crappy attitudes. I don't expect everyday to be filled with sunshine and roses, but an occasional day, when you feel that you really made a difference makes it all worth while.
Eli has been trying really hard to help me with my little attitude problem and being the wonderful man that he is, is what is keeping me from throwing in the towel. He is the strong one, he is my grace. I remember when I first started going to church, alone, when Erika was a baby, searching for God knows what. Praying so hard for Eli to do church with me. Begging him to come with me, wanting so much more for us. For him to see God the way I saw him. Struggling to stay committed to my want to be in relationship with him, when Eli wanted no part of it. The role has drastically been reversed. He is involved probably as much if not more. He has been reading bible verses to me that he got from his small group and it is taking all that I have in me not to tell him to shut up and leave me alone. He is reading the bible, trying to give me insight on life and love. I tune him out the way I tune out Makenna, Olivia, and Erika when they are whining. Every chance he gets, he tells me that he loves me and why he loves me and how much he loves me. He hugs me and just gives me a simple kiss and I think to myself, why? Is he mental? I have actually thought to myself that he deserves better. I am truly ugly inside right now, filled with a ton of hateful and pessimistic feelings. I am doubting my strength and courage.
This is not who I am or what I want to be. I have always been a happy go lucky, social person who loves to be with anyone and everyone. I love to laugh, especially at completely inappropriate times and add my smart ass two cents in at all cost. Lately it is hard for me to give a simple smile and say hello.

Let it be

I am a huge American Idol fan, but I never vote. Eli & I are pretty good at picking the top 12. My favorite from the initial auditions was Brooke White and I am happy to see her still in it. Eli was not a huge fan, but is slowly converting. This past week, she sang Let it Be. I am not a huge Beatles fan, but WOW. I had chills and yes I even shed a tear or two.

Booogers

Makenna: As she grabs my finger and puts it toward her nose...

"Momma pick my booooooggers, it sucky"

I guess I should just be happy that she isn't picking them and eating them.

Proverbs 31 Ministries

The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands" Proverbs 14:1

My cousin from Tennessee had sent me a link to a womans daily devotional to subscribe to about a year ago. I get a daily devotional sent to me every morning Monday through Friday. At first I read them and tried to reflect on them the best I could. After a little while I just read them and deleted them, then I stopped reading them all together. The past couple of weeks, I've really been trying to read them again. Todays devotional really home for me, not only in regards to my marriage, but in the way I am with the girls as well.
There have been many instances that I blamed Eli or the girls for my behavior and for the reasons I reacted to a situation or the way I felt. I expected them to change. Stomped my foot and acted like that little girl I once was and say "Well he/she did it first" or "I did this because they did that".
I have really been trying to go about my marriage and my parenting skills a different way. I tell myself to take a deep breath and bite my tongue before some horrible damaging words flow out of my mouth. I pray for patience, understanding, and strength everyday, sometimes 100 times a day. It is frustrating and so hard to change, even when I am well aware of how capable I am of hurting someone I love. Self control is a huge struggle for me and is probably the first characteristic I would change about myself. I can be self absorbed at times and so often I look back at how I have acted and an enormous amount of guilt takes over. I go to bed saying tomorrow will be different, and first thing in the morning I find myself getting pissed off when the girls aren't listening. Instead of letting it go, I dwell on it, and I let it set my mood.
I am a work in progress.

Norma Schultz

Eli received a call from his Dad yesterday that his grandma is not doing well. I have only met her once when we were in Utah in 2002 and exchanged letters when she was still able to write them, she always enjoyed getting pictures of the girls and never did meet Makenna. She is a huge part of Eli's younger years. If you could please keep Eli and his family in your prayers. She is a great woman, from all the stories that I have been told from Bill and Eli.

Moments like this is when I feel sad for Eli, his family, and the girls. Eli being so far away and unable to be there......I feel so often that we miss out so much, even on the everyday.

Man and Wife

Congrats to Mr and Mrs William Brown

Mr and Mrs Dave Kurt

Eli and I were honored to attend the wedding of the year on Friday. We both met Will and Monaca a couple of years ago though Brad, Dave, and Cathie. The wedding was perfect and beautiful and reception was a blast! I am so happy for them and they are truly blessed to have each other.
I was honored enough to finally meet the rest of the Kurt family and am relieved to find out that I am not Diane (not that being Diane would be bad) and I am not as frumpy as I look in pictures. I do like playing dress up once in a while with Eli, but mostly I can be found in sweats or scrubs and my hair thrown in a pony. Eli only wears a suit for weddings and funerals and always sports it well!
After the wedding we had a post party at the Marriott that lasted till the wee hours and am still catching up two days later.

You can see all the pictures here, including a few pictures that I borrowed (well....stole) from Susan and Dan.

Wilaca Wedding

Conscious Discipline

Diane and I took Ryan, Olivia, and Makenna to the library last week and I checked this book out by Dr. Becky Bailey along with some audio tapes from Love and Logic. Not only is the information helping me to communicate and be a better parent, but it also helps me with issues I have in regards to my own childhood. I had a couple of WOW moments.
There is another session at the school tonight on conscious discipline. The session last week was interesting. My Mom went with me and it was a pretty great experience for the both of us, yet awkward when they explained that most of the disciple behaviors we learned that are wrong, hurtful, or damaging are behaviors we learned from our parents. It is difficult to be a parent, I am fully aware of that. I now have a better grasp on why my parents were the way they were and I don't think I would have fully understood if I didn't have children of my own. Now it is my responsibility to change for the better and not repeat certain behavior patterns. I am a good Mom, but this is my opportunity to be great. Bring it on!

It's Potty Time!

Makenna is wearing big girl panties today! Erika and Olivia were already completely potty trained by this time. I've really slacked with Makenna. She has gone on the potty here and there and also pottied EVERYWHERE. She understands the whole concept but it has been my laziness. Hopefully this is the last case of huggies from Costco.

I yike yotion

When you can't hear Makenna's loud mouth, she's usually getting into something. Thank God this wasn't on my time!

Partners in crime

Gimmie a love!

You can never have too many beads. Wonder where my my Mom got all of them? Hmmmmmm

Ursula

"You da sea witch Momma"

On Tuesdays, Miller offers free parenting classes with daycare provided. In the afternoon session is Jim Fay's "Love and Logic" session. The evening session is based on Dr. Becky Bailey's "Conscious Discipline".
From what I have read and watching some session on DVD, I like Becky Bailey's approach better. Brighton Area Schools try to follow "conscious discipline" in the classrooms.
I could use a little help in the discipline department. The girls listen to me so much better when Eli is around and that is so frustrating for me. I feel myself loosing my temper more that usual. Mostly because I am so sick of listening to the girls arguing with each other and arguing with me. Sibling rivalry is getting the best of me. Makenna has a mouth on her and repeats everything that Erika and Olivia say to each other. So Makenna will walk around saying "shut your mouth", "you not nice", "you mean", "you stop it", "go to your room" oh the list could go on.
The biggest issue I am having with the girls is when I say NO. I mean it and do not try and talk me out of it. Why can't NO just mean NO, and why the heck do I have to give a reason or argue the reason. Lately I just feel like everything is an argument and everything is forced. Taking away privileges isn't working and grounding isn't working. So hopefully this will help me take a calmer approach.

A Change

So I gave my blog a little makeover. I needed a change, go figure. This week is my last week for a while that I will be working over 40 hours. After this week, I should be averaging about 30 - 35 hours, and I should only be working 2 weekdays a week, the rest is evening and weekends, but that should give Marlene a little break and I can be home during the day with the girls more. My house is somewhat clean, thanks to my mother coming over Sunday, while Eli was at the wings game, to motivate me. Sometimes I just need a good kick in the a##, and my mom is usually pretty good at doing that.
Makenna had a complete meltdown this morning because I wasn't dropping her off at "Nana's". OUCH! She is ok now because I bribed her with some suckers so it would seem that she would rather be with me.
This Friday I am officially applying for the nursing program and I am in gear and getting my paperwork together. I have yet another personal statement to write and I am going to use a lot from the personal statement from my scholarship application, so it shouldn't be that time consuming.
Tonight I am taking Erika and Olivia out to pick out their Valentines cards and we will be doing all that, which I actually enjoy. It is so fun to listen to the girls tell stories about their friends and why they are giving them a certain Valentine.
Eli and I have a lot on our minds the past couple of days and we are dealing with a few things that I will keep you updated on as soon as I can and we when we hear something. We have had a few nights that we have been up readdressing things and talking about life in general. We are emotionally exhausted, but working as a team and encouraging each other, which has been nice. I can't wait to have a little break together. I think I need some Eli time.

I would love this, just for a day!

Tummy Ache

Yes the entire family including the Meadors and Marshalls (excluding Lauren and Nana) had the stomach flu in the past 10 days. The wonderful thing about Makenna is that she doesn't just know how to get a little sick. She had the flu on Tuesday and Wednesday and then today started having horrible stomach pains followed by vomiting. After she finished vomiting was completely normal, and go on with being her happy self, no fever. Long story short. She is having periods of stomach pains where she clutches her stomach screaming ouch, ouch, ouch, tummy ache. Now the doctor, because of today and previous history of "tummy ache" and her pooping issues, we are now on watch of intussusception. At least I know about this disorder because dogs and cats actually get it too. So I feel well prepared.

Toothless Wonder

Olivia lost her first tooth today, well she pulled her first tooth today! It probably could have stayed in a little longer, but we all know Olivia......she messed with it until it came out even if it started to bleed. She has only dropped it lost it on the way to her bedroom, found it and now has it underneath her pillow with probably 8 chapsticks and a couple packs of gum.

WHEW

Anxiety attack? I almost had one. I called my academic adviser regarding my meeting I have to have with her so she can sign off on my portfolio for the nursing program, she told me to bring my waiver for my microbiology. Waiver? What waiver? It was something the director of the program told me over the phone. So all week I have been trying to get a hold of the person I actually talked to last June that said that they would waive it. I almost didn't get it because I took my micro 11 years ago instead of 8 and I got a C (yes a C), but that was the semester Eli and I were married and we had a miscarriage, and I was taking 14 credits and working 50+ hours a week, it was a rough couple of months. After 5 days of phone calls and emails, I finally have the waiver in my hot little hands. I literally sat and stared at my inbox until it came. The only reason why this lady decided to actually give it to me is because of my current 3.89 GPA and my lab tech experience.
The other obstacle I dealt with last week was my physiology teacher (she actually used the terms, "I'm sorry, I must have had a brain fart") gave me the wrong grade and I have been on the phone with her, the registrars office, and the science department. All I have to l say right now is do not stand in the way of my dream, I am bound and determined and I am on top of this. I have worked too hard for someone to make a simple mistake and risk me having to wait another year for this.
I am also trying to apply for a few scholarships, one application is due by next week and the other I can apply once I get the acceptance letter. A little money could help right about now......

Update on the job situation

This week has been crazy. I am going on my 4th day of work. On Tuesday after training in cardio, I was hired in as a relieve technician for Dr. Brown. So it is official, I now am employed by 3 places and I have picked up a few more shifts. Cardio was great and I am trying to read and study and research different cardiac diseases, so I seem like I know what I am talking about. Today AEC was kind enough to get an animal from Last Chance Rescue to spay/neuter and Dr. Robertson is having someone show me how to put in a central line while the animal is fully anesthetized of course. I am learning so much and so excited but honestly exhausted. Last week my solo shift was absolutely crazy, I had 5 hospitalized animals and a surgery. I don't know how I made it through the day but was told by the doctor at the end of the shift...."You rock and I will play will you anyday". Dr Robertson walked in in the midst of all the chaos and told me that I was a hot topic during the doctors meeting and they want to see me on the schedule more. HEE HEE.

Yesterday (at Jeffreys) I found out that one of our technicians threw out her back and will probably be out for a while and another technician is pregnant. So until Kimmy comes back from maternity leave it will be crazy there and the doctors sometimes get, let say "stressed". So life at Jeffreys will be crazy next couple of weeks.

This Saturday I am working from 9 am to Midnight between Jeffreys and AEC and Saturday nights are usually pretty busy, and I will probably start running out of steam by 9. I will be drinking lots of coffee.

So I am off to put in a central line and I can't wait to go out tonight with some friends for some dinner, some laughs, and some wine....

Eli, thank you for your support, dinners waiting for me in the micro, dishes that were done, reading to the girls when you knew I was too tired, and your love. I know Eli is just as tired as me with his 50+ work weeks but is trying to help the best he can. My mother is an angel and has been babysitting for me more than she deserves and is supporting me and cheering me on, I couldn't be doing this without her.