How to Save a Life

This song hits me so hard....especially when I think of my little bro!!! GOD LOVE HIM!!!!!
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Dave and Bob's Mom

Please pray for the Kurt family and for the Ray's family. Dave and Bob's mom are in a fight with cancer. My heart goes out to these families. If there is anything Eli and I can do....let us know.

I failed

After a busy stressful day yesterday.....I broke down and bought a pack of cigarettes at 9:00 last night, sat on the deck and smoked 2 cigarettes right in a row. Then felt extremely guilty that I failed and a gave in. I was a horrible person yesterday. I was mean to my girls, to Bobby and just had a negative attitude in general. I wanted to punch something yesterday. Makenna and Marina drove me absolutely crazy yesterday. They are teething and just out of control. Makenna was the worse one.
Makenna was up all night crying and I am so tired and woke up with a migraine.
Whenever I quit smoking in the past is was cold turkey. I don't know if I am capable of it. I am still trying.

School

As if I don't have enough stress in my life, I want to add a little something more......I want to go back to school. AHHHHH....what am I thinking. This is something I have wanted since...forever. I tried to go back to school in 2001, but ended up getting pregnant with Olivia.
I want to be a nurse. Not for animals but for actual people. NOT that I don't love my job. I am taken care of in every way there is to be taken care of. I feel like I have this enormous gift that I am not using. I LOVE PEOPLE!!! I love being around people. I love helping people, especially when they are in need or sad or hurting. I love to hear all the bad stuff that sucks and even all the great stuff. To be able to hold someone's hand through pain or suffering. I know I can be great at it. I know I have it in me. If I start school in January.....go part time, a class here, a class there, I should be finished by the time Makenna is in kindergarten. I do have a lot of credits that did transfer from my Associates degree from tech school.
When I graduated from High School...I went to Madonna for an interview into the nursing program. The nursing director scared me to death....I was afraid to fail. I held off and decided to just take some prerequisite courses until I was ready. I was looking for a job at that time and found an ad in the paper for dog grooming. I thought how easy....play with animals all day. The doctor there talked me into going to vet tech school. He said I had a gift. The rest is history. 12 1/2 years later.....This is my life. I am truly blessed. I do love my job and I know I am good at what I do. I love the people I work for (Brad and Joann are the best!!!).
What do I do? Am I stupid? Am I being selfish? Should I just be happy with how truly blessed I am at this moment or do I take everything as a learning experience and move on. Do I just put my whole heart into my kids and forget changing careers? I am struggling. My wonderful husband....he said, "do it, follow your heart. We'll make it work." He has supported me every time I've wanted to do this. Who could ask for more? (or maybe he thinks I'm crazy and I won't follow through)
What do I do? What if it's too hard? What if it puts to much strain on my marriage? What if my children miss me too much and I damage them? Do I want to have student loans added to all my debt? Just because I have a feeling I could be great at something........
OH GOD HELP ME. Help me with this decision. I need courage, strength, and guidance. I need you to hold my hand right now.

Now I want a cigarette....

Long before you entered nursing

The Lord had played His part,

Planting seeds of love and kindness

In the portals of your heart.

For it's clear that you've been gifted

With a sympathetic ear,

And blessed from the beginning

With a willingness to cheer.

And the people who you care for

Are better off by far,

When they're touched by your compassion,

By the person that you are.

For in times of woe and worry

When they're frightened or they're blue,

No one could be more consoling than the friend they'll find in you.

-Author Unknown

Never quit quitting

Ok - I am going to try this again......QUIT SMOKING. It is such a nasty thing and I am sick of it! It is controlling me and I just can't have it anymore!!!! Wish me luck!

Disclaimer: I am going to apologize for my attitude in advance, the next couple of days I just may go postal. Just remember I love you all.....feel free to slap me if necessary!!! XOXO

Papa Schultz is coming!

Papa Schultz is coming back to Michigan to see us. He will be here on Sunday and stay a little over a week! We are all so excited. It's nice that we get to visit with him 2 times this year! Eli misses his family. 

Paintball

Eli, Jeff, and Bobby played paintball with our church on Sunday! They all had a great time! Eli said it's a man - war like thing. Looks like a lot of fun.
Eli in action!
Eli took it like a man! What a guy! Notice his sexy new facial hair!!!

You can see the pictures that Dave took here. Thank for the pictures Dave! 

New loetards

Today Olivia had gymnastics. Driving on the way there, Olivia says"mom, there's a big hole in my butt" (she meant in her leotard). I told her to get her finger out of it because she would make the hole bigger. After gymnastics I decided she can't be walking around with a hole in her butt, especially since she refuses to wear underwear under her leotard. So we retired the 2 year old leotard and she got a new shiny sparkly one. I also got one for Erika too because they were sharing the old one. She loves it!
Cute song you have to ask Olivia to sing for you - "5 little monkeys swinging in a tree". I was laughing so hard I almost fell off the couch!!!! Way too cute. She has the greatest expressions!!!
Also, notice Olivia's hair is shorter....she decided to cut it herself (in Nana's care, not mine). Her reason....."Miss Cathie said that your hair grows faster if you cut it". She still is beautiful. Her hair is just a little uneven.....I blended it the best I could.

The Funeral

The funeral was yesterday. It was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. I think I started crying the moment I got into the car to go to the funeral till I arrived at work around 3:00. The funeral service was nice. The cemetery was difficult for me. It was the first time I have ever seen anyone being lowered into the ground and covered up before. I had feelings I have never felt before. There were moments that Keith and I and Kevin and I were hugging so close and crying so hard I just wanted to fall to the ground. I can't stop thinking about them and about my Auntie Chris.
The one thing that keeps entering my thoughts is what a wonderful mother and person she was. Her smile and laugh was contagious. She had the most distinct laughs I have ever heard.....it would fill the room. I keep hearing her laugh in my head like she is sitting right next to me.

Keith and I are setting up a golf outing in memory of Auntie Chris and Uncle Pat. We are thinking it will be Sunday October 15th. I have some work to do on finding just the right place. If anyone is interested and want to celebrate their lives with us let me know.

There also is a bowling fundraiser for support for the family at Oak Lanes 8450 Middlebelt Rd in Westland at 12:00 noon....bowling starts at 1:00. Cost is $25.00 a person for 3 games of no tap. There will be 50/50 raffles or door prizes. Or you can make contributions...if your interested I can get you the name and numbers for that.

Makenna 1 year doctor appointment

She's growing up. Her height is 30 inches (80%) - Her weight is 21 lbs# (40%) - Her head is 43.6cm (15%).
Dr. Khunger is starting her on enulose syrup for her pooping problems. If anyones been around Makenna when she has to poop it's not fun. She hates pooping and tries her hardest to hold it in. She screams like someone is murdering her. I also have to lower her dairy intake....not looking forward to that. She loves cheese and yogurt and milk. 

The weekend

Friday was Makenna's official 1st birthday. I tried my hardest to keep my spirits up for Makenna, even though we had just heard some bad new about Auntie Chris. We had a little party at my Mom and Dads for her. It was nice. We enjoyed each others company.
Saturday, I worked and then went to pick up my girls from my Moms and hung out with her all day, we talked about Auntie Chris and about life. I haven't done that with my mom in a long time.
Sunday, the girls and I went to church. After church Maddie and Emily came over to play....then Ryan and Lauren came over too. The kids had a great time together....there was no fighting.....poor Ryan was the only boy with 6 girls. That evening, Cathie was kind enough to take my girls...she fed them, took them for a long walk, and bathed them. THANK YOU CATHIE...you are such a great friend!
Eli and I went to the viewing for my Auntie Chris. It was hard for me. I don't know how to deal with death....it frightens me. I'm happy I was able to talk to Keith and Kevin for a while. It's hard, just because I don't really know what to say. There really isn't anything you can say to help them or make them feel better. I just wanted to hug them, and when I did.....my heart hurt for them and I just wanted to hug them forever and just cry. I just wish I could take the pain away for them....I know it's not my job. I just feel so bad.
I am spent.....I am drained emotionally and physically. For the past 3 weeks, Eli has been gone a lot, busy with work, golf, concerts, fantasy football drafts, tigers games, etc. I am feeling alone and sad. It's not Eli's fault...I am so glad that he is having fun and getting out of the house and spending time with friends, he deserves it. I just think I am jealous right now and I feel like a single mom.
This morning was not good. Olivia's bus tag was missing and Erika lied to me about it....trying to find the tag, deal with Erika lying to my face, and trying not to loose it at the same time was hard. All of sudden, I heard the bus.....of coarse it was early, because nothing could be easy for me this morning. So I had to get Makenna, Marina, Erika and Olivia in the car....off to school. I finally realize around 9:45 that I forgot to feed Makenna this morning. HELLO!
Tonight is another busy night. I am trying to decide what to do...do I take Erika to gymnastics with Olivia and Makenna, or do I go to the rosary service with the kids. It's a toss up. I don't know if I have the strength for either one. Eli will be at a concert with friends.
I guess I feel like I could have break down....but I just don't have the time. It's funny that moms don't have options....they have obligations.

Makenna's 1st Birthday

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Auntie Chris

This morning my Auntie Chris passed away. Keith and Kevin were able to be with her. Karyn is flying in from Seattle. Please help me pray for this family. They need strength and faith right now. Having lost both their parents has to be so devastating for them.
I just hope my Uncle Pat is waiting for her at the gates of heaven, standing next to God with both of their arm open wide to her. I pray that she is at peace now, her battle has been long and hard.

I love my sister!!!

My sister does so much for me! She is so GREAT! Yesterday she watched my girls until 7:30 last night, until my mom got here to relieve her of her duties. Not only did she babysit my girls all day, she also had her 2 kids. She got Erika off the bus for me, took care of my dog all day, put Makenna to bed, had Erika and Olivia ready for bed......the best part......she picked up my entire house. This is something I am not use to (no offense Eli). THANK YOU DIANE for all the wonderful things you do for me. You are such a great sister and a great friend. I love you from the bottom of my heart!
Jeff was also kind enough to come over and bring pizza for Diane and the kids for dinner. Thank you Jeff.
I am truly blessed to have such a great sister! She is such an important part of my life. Diane does so many things for my girls and she treats them like her own children....she is so special to my girls, they love their Auntie!

I need a nap

I feel so exhausted. The past two weeks were so busy with school starting and Makenna's birthday party. Now that things have slowed down, all I want to do is take a nap. Last night I was on the phone with Eli until 1:00 in the morning...talking to him so he wouldn't fall asleep driving home.
Olivia has school pictures today and I curled her hair this morning. By the time we made it to the bus stop....it was flat! I wonder where she gets that from. She still looks absolutely adorable though!

Pictures from Makenna's party

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Makenna's birthday party!!!

Makenna had a great time at her birthday party!!!! She loves all the wonderful people who came to spend this special day with her. Today she is having a great time playing with her new toys, wearing her new clothes, and listening to a fun CD. She even gets to go shopping at Babies R us. Which of coarse Mom loves shopping!
I am so extremely grateful to all the people in my life. Everyone in one way or another helped me put on such a great party! I truly couldn't have done it without all of you! I love you all XOXOXOXO! Mostly I would like to just THANK everyone for coming and I hope everyone had a great time!!!
My little baby is already one....I think I can cry now!

My girls are off to school!

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Erika's first day in the 1st grade!

Today was Erika's first day in elementary school. I can't believe it! She is so excited and I am so excited for her. Her teacher seems very nice. I hope she has a great year. I will miss her! I can't believe she is growing up so fast! She is becoming so independent. This morning she wouldn't even let me do her hair. She kept saying "I got it mom, I can do it myself".
It will be hard not having her around all the time....she is such a big help and she loves to keep the babies busy. She is such a great big sister! I hope she makes some great friends! I'm sure she will make lots of friends....she is such a social butterfly and she'll talk to just about anybody.

Labor Day

On Labor Day we headed off to Kimmy and Bobby's for a barbecue. Bobby just bought a new smoker and tried it out on some ribs and chicken! Pretty good! Kimmy's family is so nice! It is nice to be around them. They don't argue and they just enjoy each others company. What a concept!

Cathie's night out

Lori, Jen, Joann, Cathie, and I went out to celebrate Cathie's birthday on Saturday night! It was great! I haven't had so much fun in such a long time. We started our night out having dinner at the Melting Pot in Novi. The food was fantastic. The company was even better. It took us 4 hours to get through dinner. It was great.
After dinner we headed off to the Rhino Club for some dancing.
I hope Cathie had fun celebrating her birthday......we all did!

Girls night out!!!!

CALLING ALL GIRLS. Diane and I have a great idea. LETS PLAY BUNKO!!! For all the women out there that need a night out! It's once a month for us to get together. From what we read, you need 8 - 12 women. It's a mindless game so we can chat and be in good company.
Men have all their reason they get together (poker, football, golf, etc....). I think that women need their time as well. Let me know.....I'll be calling some of you and you know who you are!!!

Cathie Kurt

CATHIE KURT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Madeline

I promised Madeline that this summer she could help me babysit one day. So tonight she gets to have a slumber party with the girls, and she gets to help me tomorrow. Erika and Olivia were fighting over who got to sleep closer to her. Madeline is truly loved in this house, by all of us. They are watching Mermaidia and eating popcorn. All us girls are missing Emily though! It's just not the same without her. 

Please help me pray!

My Auntie Chris has been in ICU for 1 week now. She had a bowel obstruction on top of her ovarian cancer. The cancer has spread and she now has major infection. They have had to stop chemo because of the infection. She in still intubated and unable to communicate with her children. Karyn said it doesn't look hopeful. The doctors said IF she does make it through the infection, they won't be able to start the chemo for about a month, which is not good news. Her heart rate is very high. Karyn is going back to Seattle to take her 2 year old home and come back to be with her mom. Please pray for Karyn to have a save trip, she is 24 weeks pregnant traveling by herself with a toddler. She has been having contractions from all this going on in her life. This family needs so much prayer right now. Kevin and Keith are not handling this well.
Please pray for the strength of this family. Thank you!

Unleavened

Unleavened is a christian band that has a CD called "Out of a Barn". My favorite song is "My Great Reward". This song helped me a lot today. I needed it today more that ever. I've listened to it about 10 times, singing louder and louder every time. Crying at some moments. Listening to it gave me a peace that I was desperately needing!
Great CD! You can go to their website and listen for yourself.
Some of the people in this band play at Crossroads, which is the church I go to. Come and visit!

My Great Reward

Jesus, it's for you I'm living
I pray that you will keep forgiving me
and when I stumble break my fall.
I need you with me everyday
and fill me with your love, I pray
and open up my eyes so I can see

Chorus:
That you are my lord
You are my great reward
You are my peace
The only one I adore
You are my King
You are my everything
You are my hope
You are my song to sing, Jesus

Tell me secrets by you Spirit
Wash my heart so I can hear it
Tell me of the Kingdom that's in me
Draw me Closer, make me yours
I'll give you all me praise, Oh Lord
and shout out from the rooftop all you say

Chorus

I raise my hands in worship to you, Lord (repeat)

Chorus

Chicken Pox

Anyone want chicken pox? If you do, come over to my house. I think Olivia has it. I'm waiting to see if the all the bump blister, then we will know for sure.

Eli's spitters

Ok.....I just need to vent for a second. Eli, I am so glad you quit smoking....but all of a sudden there is an overabundance of spitters laying around the house! YUK! So are you dipping more? What's up? How many spitter things do you need? Clean it up guy! It's making me sick!
LOVE YOU BABE!

Middle of the week blues

I am flying solo the next two days. Eli is going to the Tigers game tonight and tomorrow he has golf. It makes for 2 long days with no break and no adult contact.
Thursday night my family was suppose to have a barbecue with Auntie Chris and her daughter, Karyn (who is in town from Seattle). Unfortunate my Auntie Chris who has ovarian cancer is not doing well at all. Recently she has found out that her cancer is getting worse. So I don't think she is up to the visit. I feel bad for Karyn, being so far away from her mom at this time. I could not imagine. The family has been through so much. They lost their father 12 years ago this month. He died of a heart attack at age 40 playing basketball. His name was Pat. He was my dads best friend. It was the first time I had ever seen my father cry. To loose both their parents at such young ages has to be devastating. Keith and Kevin never recovered from loosing their father. They lost him at a very hard age in life when they needed their father the most. Please keep their family in their prayers.
Dave also has a mother going through cancer. I pray that Lynn and Chris and their families will have hope and strength at this time. Cancer is such a horrible disease and it effects so many families. I am so fortunate that I have never experienced it in my immediate family. My heart goes out to all of you. You all are in my prayers.

Greater Love

Our children will grow and move on, but our partner will remain with us. And it is because our partner is the most important person to us that our children feel free to move on, and create their own family. If we show our children that our partner comes first, we do them a greater favor--we give them their freedom.

-Roni Jay