March 2006

In March, we took our annual trip to the Great Wolf Lodge in Traverse City. This year, I wasn't pregnant, so it was much more fun. The kids had a blast. They are getting older and I love watching them enjoy big kid stuff more and more.  Jeff and I killed Eli and Diane in euchre.

I started babysitting Marina three days a week. For the most part, it is going pretty well. I definitely have my ups and downs. Not because of any child in particular, just being more of a stay at home mom and dealing with them all day and all night. Somehow I'm trying to juggle babysitting, working, being a Mommy of 3 and juggling housework and laundry. I give full stay at home moms a lot of credit. I like my 2 days a week at work. Some days I wish I worked full time. Some days I wish I didn't work at all.

My Aunt Martha (my Grandma's sister) died this month. She lived in Denver. I didn't know her all that well. She was a very angry person. I did feel bad for my Grandma though. She is loosing all of her friends and now her sister. It must be very difficult being older and loosing everything you know around you.

My Auntie Chris found out her ovarian cancer is progressing.  It's hard to imagine having a Mom with this disease.  CANCER SUCKS!!!!

A big event of the month would have to be that Eli had a vasectomy . I was sad. I cried a little too! I have to admit. But I think I was sad for the wrong reasons. I think I am afraid that Eli and I will never have that wonderful child birth experience. The one where you look at the love of your life and know that you love them at that moment more than ever before. Eli and I were always great at the whole childbirth experience.  All very different, but wonderful. If Eli had not been there, holding my hand, walking me through it, it wouldn't have been that great!

Eli is my soul mate. The love of my life. I can just look at him and have instant relief. That "everything is going to be OK" feeling. I just remember the talks that we have had right after the girls were born and sobbing because I just wanted that feeling again. The ultimate love feeling you have for your child and for the father of your children. I know I don't want any more children. I love the three I have with all my heart!

I didn't think I could handle any more children. I feel like I am screwing them up already. Having the vasectomy was a good thing (not for Eli of course) but the right choice. I just have this weird feeling of closure that I wasn't ready for. 

Eli and I alway seem to work great as a team under pressure. During chaos we are one!  Always on the same page during really stressful times. It's the every day stupid stuff we seeming to have a hard time with from time to time. Sound crazy. It's just how it is.