Everyday life

I have caught up.  I want to keep up with my blog, finding the motivation and figuring out when to have the time to actually sit and think about when just happened is time consuming. 

Makenna and Marina are napping. Erika and Olivia are outside playing. For a moment it is actually quiet in my house. What a beautiful sound!

Cathie and Emily came over for lunch today after gymnastics. Emily and Olivia were moved up to kindergym at Infinity Gymnastics.

I need to vent about some issues that are going on around work with gossip. There are just some days I am so fed up. I have issues with trust, especially with other women. Being a woman, it is difficult for me to say this but I just don't understand women. The games that are played and the back stabbing. I'm not saying that I am never at fault for anything, because I certainly have provoked situations. I just don't understand the reasons behind it.

Why can't women just be friends? True friends, without strings attached. To be honest. I feel like I'm on the defense constantly. I feel like women are constantly striving for attention, and if they don't get it from whom they desire, they take down any woman that they feel threatened by in the process.

Men just seem easier to me. I always had more guy friends until I was with Eli. They were always easier to talk to and easier to hang out with. They are honest and you didn't have to worry what they said about you when you left the room. They would say it right to your face and everyone would laugh about it.  Well maybe not all men, some did try to get in my pants...but once you set them strait, they are true friends. Men are just horny and stupid sometimes, it's not personal. Luckily I was the 'cute' that liked to party and not one not the 'pretty' ones. It was hard to offend me with dirty jokes and God knows what else they talk about.  Most of my life I was just one of the guys.

I know I am overly sensitive. I HATE confrontation and rejection. It truly frightens me. Sometimes I am not true to myself. I cannot stand when someone is angry with me or if they have bad feelings towards me. I get this horrible feeling inside. So I do run like the wind when things get too heated! I'm afraid to stand firm and be who I'm meant to be. Lately I've been really trying hard to go to God about it. To pray about it, and let him help me along. I just get impatient when things don't change right away.

I thank God everyday for the greatest friends that do trust and I have in my life today! I do believe that there are women that are sincere. That feel the same way I feel. I just need to realize that some women are in different stages in their lives. I just need to step back, be who God wants me to be and forget about it. Just give it up to him and he will do the rest. Wanting to change and actually changing are two separate things. This is my struggle, for today anyway.