Speed Bump....

The hype and excitement have subsided.  I have conquered what I set out to achieve with all my hard work, all that was handed to me and all that I fought so hard for.  Going into nursing school with a back injury was definitely not my intention when I started taking prerequisites to get into the program.  With the help of many doctors, pain specialist, and my physical therapist and support from my family and friends, I did it and made it through in one piece.  I am worn out. My back and my mind have had enough and I am calling it quits for a little bit...MERCY!  

I started seeing a neurologist/neurosurgeon in February.  With much careful considerations, second opinions including seeing an orthopedic surgeon, and many many discussions with Eli, I have decided to have back surgery.  My neurosurgeon, Eli and I have decided on an ALIF (Anterior Lumbar Interbody Fusion).  Fancy term for back surgery through the stomach.  It adds a little bit of complication but recovery should be smoother if all goes well.  I will hopefully be able to laugh when I set off the metal detector at the airport on our way to a vacation somewhere beautiful when all of this is said and done.

Yesterday was my pre-op appointment/physical and received all my paperwork and hand outs to prepare for this surgery and hospital stay.  I would be lying if I said that I am not terrified.  Eli and I went through the paper work and risks again together and talked about the what-ifs last night and now I think Eli is a little nervous but I can tell he is trying really hard to stay strong from me.  I will be checking into the hospital on Monday at 5:30 am and am hoping to be home by Thursday.  Recovery will take time and I'm trying to be very optimistic yet careful about my expectations.

It is going to be a huge change to be the patient and be on the opposite end of the spectrum.  Now that I am more educated on what can happen and what does happen in the hospital make things a little nerve-racking for me. With that considered, I have chosen a highly recommended neurosurgeon, vascular surgeon and a hospital that I have had nothing but great experiences from.

Recovery will depend on a few things.  How well the bones fuse together, how well I behave, if there are any complications and how fast I heal.  I will have limitations for 6 months to 1 year and it will be difficult and next to impossible to get a nursing job with these restrictions.  So my light at the end of the tunnel has become a little further away but as of now I still see it.  I am blessed to have my job at AEC and my friends at AEC that have been working with my limitations this far and will take me back a little broken when I am able to start working again.

While I am recovering I will be enjoying my family, working on my resume, and studying for my NCLEX.  I am not allowed to drive for 4 weeks which goes well with the fact that I still don't have a car.  I have been trying to get this house organized and cleaned to my anal retentive perfection of what I call clean but I am having a hard time with all of this physically and emotionally.  The closer Monday gets, the sadder I get for many reasons.  Money being a big reason, not being the Mommy and the wife that I want to be is another.  I find myself becoming even more frustrated when I see all my nursing school friends finding jobs and going to interviews.  They are fulfilling their journey of become a nurse, while I am preparing my house and family for not having me at my best once again.

Eli keeps telling me that God gives us what we are capable of handling and we will make it through this.  If this is true, than this must be the reason why I have Eli with me. This one I don't feel that I am capable of handling alone.  I am in over my head and I have learned to let go of some of my excessive control and am handing this over to Eli for full support.  I even gave him permission to shave my legs!  I am so grateful for my husbands ginormous strength, courage, forgiveness, and love.  Life in the Schultz household has been on many twists and turns in the past year and I really wanted to finally be at a little bit of a standstill to come back together and make up for what has been lost along the way.

I'm not sure of what normal will eventually be in the future but I am hopeful for normal one day soon.  I am waiting impatiently for my exciting and terrifying first day as a nurse on my own without a clinical instructor.  I just have to wait a little longer than I wanted and expected. I am still proud of my accomplishments!  Focusing on that is helping.  Continuing to focus on that will hopefully help me all the way through this recovery.  Nothing is going to stop me from dusting off my walker and get ready for some cruising.  As of now I am up for the challenge.

There has been a few doctors that question if my back will be able to handle the physical stress of the big world of nursing.  I say that I have made it this far for a reason.  I WILL be a nurse and I will be a great one!  I am just being taught once again about patience.  BRING IT!

PICTURES :)

Graduation

She makes me SMILE :)

~I Love My Mom~
I'm thankful that you make me stay home from school when I'm sick, you want no germs in my class.
I'm thankful that you make me feed the dog, you want me to be responsible.
I'm thankful that you make me eat good foods, you want me to be healthy.
I'm thankful for you because you are thankful for me.

Love,
Erika xo

Olivitree

Mom,

When I close my eyes I see your soft sparkling blue eyes, your smooth dark brown hair that reminds me of a blanket. The smile on your face warms my heart.

I appreciate how you help me.

I love it when you hug me and kiss me.

I will always remember the way you laugh and the way you did my hair.

Love Daughter

Via

Smurf's Bar Crawl

This picture says it all!

So I attended my first bar crawl.  Eli and I headed to downtown Lansing.  I was so excited to introduce Eli to my other part of my life.  I have made some great friends along this journey.  I have learned so much from some of these people.  We had a great group and I can honestly say that some of these people felt like family.  Most of the time we all worked as a team with a common goal and a want to make a difference.  We have cried together, complained together, but most of all we have all had some great laughs together.  It's hard to believe that I won't see some of these people four times a week anymore.  As much as I was so completely DONE  with this program, I will never forget all the learning experiences and friendships I have made along the way!  This night was a great night to end our trip to hell and back!  We DID IT, we succeeded and damn did we celebrate!!!  I LOVE ALL MY FELLOW SMURFS and will miss you all so much!!!!

The rest of the pictures along with some of our last days as 'Nursing Students' are here.....

Or just click on the album

Nursing Madness :)

Bandit AKA 'The Sock Bandit'

THE CLAW

Bandit was hit by a car when he was about a year old.  Couple surgeries later, a pneumothorax, and lots of cage rest, he ended up with radial nerve damage and a great attitude.  Everyone recommended that I amputated his leg.  I thought it gave him character.  We decided to call it the claw, but it worked more like a hook.  He could catch birds with it, clean his face and tackle his other best buds in the household with it.  The claw made him who he was until the day he was send to be reunited with Stanley, Cloudy, Misty, Anabelle, Katie, and Capone.  He has left Bink, who was his best friend and right now it's so hard to watch Bink be sad and alone.

He was called Bandit because he would steal socks.  He would get into my Dad's sock drawer and then after I was married, Eli's sock drawer.  He would put socks randomly around the entire house.  The socks would have great big holes in them.  Rarely were you able to catch him in the act.  Sometime you could hear this crazy meow growl sound and see him walk around the corner with a sock in mouth like he just killed prey. 

He would nurse all my stray babies that I would bring home through the years, and there were ALOT.  He would clean them and keep them warm, watch over them and be a surrogate mother to them, except for the birds of course....  He was always in the mix.  Never cared what was new that was brought in the household and always wanted to pitch in and help. 

Bandit was 16 years old to the month.  He was my first baby!  He was with me through thick and thin....tech school, marriage, our first apartment, first house, children, jobs, and last but not least nursing school.  He was always around especially if you were happy, sick, injured, sad, or pregnant.  When my friends and I were all started to have children, we would call him the pregnancy test.  It was like he just knew.  He loved parties and loved attention.  When the girls were sick or sad he was there...ALWAYS.  After Eli and I told the girls that he passed, Erika was crying so hard she could barely speak and she spit out "he would be with me right now, trying to make me feel better, he can't be gone, he just can't".  And he would've been.  He would lick the tears away, cuddle up tight and just be there, no questions asked. It's was so hard to be the Mom in that moment and be strong so I could be there for her when I felt the same exact way.

There will NEVER be another pet in my life that could fill the hole of what he was to this family and to me.  You could have a conversation with him and he would answer you, he would even talk to himself on many occasions, usually in the middle of the night when everyone was sleeping.  He would wake us all up and you would hear all of us scream from our beds "BE QUIET BANDIT".  

 

His last Christmas with us

Seriously??  You woke me up for that????

Bandit always would study with me.  He was my study partner.  When he heard me get the books out, he was there.  He was there for my late night care map session.  He was there when I was stressed about a test.  Always laying on my papers.  Sometimes just to keep me company, sometimes for attention.  Be he was there.  The past couple of days have been so hard because I still think I see him because Boof looks so much like him and I just want to cry. 

There has been so much change in our lives this past week and this is one that I wish I could take away and just have a little more time.

Bandit will forever be in our hearts and is a part of many many memories that our family has made!

Stanley will always be my 'Fat Boy'

LET ME GIVE YOU A BIG KISS XOXO

He always let Makenna do anything to him!

Even cuddled with her when she was sick.

Stanley was the biggest of the litter. Eli wanted him and named him, Stanley just fit. I bottle fed him and his litter, he was one of my children before my real children. He would jump on your back if you bent over, it was almost as if he would come out of nowhere. He always had to be in the mix!

I have bottle fed MANY animal babies. He tolerated ALL of them. Him and Bandit would take over and be a surrogate to anything that I brought home. He had the nickname 'Shamu' for a while because at one point he was so fat he could help but rest after a few steps and could barely make it up the stairs. He would literally fall to the side in slow motion when he was at his best. He was the laziest most laid back cat in our family. Always out and about and loved to snuggle up close.

Last year he started loosing weight and was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism. Even on medication he still slowly lost weight. Yesterday his respirations became increased and I could tell he was struggling to get around and I had to leave him to go to school. I felt so horrible leaving him like that but I had a test and had lab. When I got home after school I took him to work and I had to make 'the decision'. Chronic high blood pressure and hyperthyroidism damaged his heart and kidneys and both of his lungs filled with fluid and he was in heart failure. I had to say goodbye to my Budda Man. One of the most difficult things for me to deal with, to this day, is watching anything struggle to breath. I just can't handle it. I don't even know how I made it though our ordeal when Makenna was in the hospital with pneumonia and RSV. That was the toughest week of my life.

As an LVT I have become 'used to' euthanasia as just a part of my job, it is something that I deal with almost every day at work especially working in emergency veterinary care. Some days are harder than others. I know how to support the client in their loss. I have become quite the pro.

It never gets easier when they are your own. Stanley was purring and doing his head bump and rub love even as he fell asleep for the last time. I will miss him, I don't remember a day where he wasn't in it, either pestering me for food or just laying next to me while I studied. He loved our family and we loved him. He is now with Cloudy, he was the closest with her....or I guess he was the only one who tolerated her attitude. Yes I do believe there is an animal heaven. It's what has gotten me through the past 15 years in veterinary medicine.

So Thank You to everyone who was there for me yesterday including my AEC family and especially Eli. Thank You Colleen for helping me, being honest with me and supporting me as my friend and not as Doctor.  Thank You Juli for taking care of him for me and Thank You Dr. Robertson for helping me put an end to his suffering.

A Little Reflection

In February 2006, six months after Makenna was born I went on a retreat with two very special women.  It was the first time I left my children and husband and it was the first time Eli had to be a solo parent.  Sherry flew in from California and met Cathie and I at the airport in Colorado.  We rented a car and drove three hours through the jaw dropping Colorado mountains to one of the most peaceful places I have ever been to.  The retreat was called Captivating put on by the Ransom Hearth Ministries.  It was a great adventure! 

This was just before I started going to school full time taking prerequisite classes for nursing school.  I was a mother of three beautiful young little girls and a wife of 8 years.  Looking back, life seemed so simple then.  I laugh thinking that being a mother of three children under the age of 6, a wife, babysat for another baby, worked almost full time ~ thinking life seemed 'simple'.  When I look back though, there was a sense of comfort and contentment, knew who I was and knew exactly what I wanted.  I wish that I could return to some of those moments if even just for a few minutes that I felt so confident and secure.

This was also the first weekend Eli attended church without me.  I remember getting a text message from him, just after a session sitting on my bunk bed.  He told me that he packed all three of the girls up and took them out of the house and to church alone without me.  I was so happy and so proud of him.  With that I can also think back and remember all the years I went to church alone without him, I remember all that years of feeling I can do this (life) all by myself.  I still have these stubborn feelings but that's a whole other story.

That weekend changed a lot of what I thought I was and it changed our marriage.  Still to this day, on the days I struggle the most with life in general, I go back to moments on that retreat.  Moments of silence, courage, and stillness.  Moments of just being IN THE MOMENT.  I still remember how I felt, I can see the white capped mountain tops, felling so cold standing in line waiting to plummet from up in a tree to the woods beneath me.  The entire weekend was full of feelings of excitement, adventure, fear and happiness.  With all this came tears and lots of laughter!

I miss that feeling of home and security within myself.

I climbed a trail on this mountain alone in complete silence, half way up the mountain I found a bench and just sat for what felt like eternity.  I could have sat there forever.  I remember closing my eyes and as cold as it was, all I could feel was the warmth and the sunshine on my face and thinking life couldn't be any better.  I felt faith, hope and unconditional love. 

After one of our sessions, walking back to our cabin we witnessed this beautiful sky.  It was as if time stood still. 

Xochimilcos

Madres hermosas en Xochimilcos :)

Dave and Cathie

Margarita Anyone?

Or maybe some Mexican beer?

More beer and some Golden Tee

The Kurt's, Kohne's and Schultz's headed downtown to Xochimilcos.  We started off with some Margaritas and a much needed shot of 1800.  Great friends, great food and drinks accompanied with much needed laughter.  After we were stuffed ourselves we headed to the Rhino, which is a total dive bar in South Lyon that we always end up going to with the Kurts after one too many.  The boys played their usually golden tee games as the girls laughed and danced the night away.  Later Mark and Diana tore up the dance floor and somehow Cathie and I were able to get a dance out of Dave and Eli, which is usually just unheard of!



Here is an album that shows the rest of the pictures from the night....

Friends :)

Rebecca is having TWINS :)

She looks just beautiful :)

The Trouble Makers! We've been through it all together ~ and then some :)

Rianne, Jamie, Rebecca and I

Rebecca and I met in kindergarten. We saw each other through elementary, junior high, high school, first boyfriends, heartbreak, LOTS of trouble (I could write a book on all the trouble we got into), trips to Myrtle Beach, college, marriage, being a first homeowner, and babies (well...my babies). We always watched each others back and kept each other safe through it all. We were each others support system through thick and thin. Some of the best memories were just the many late night talks in her driveway about life. We know each others pasts like the back of our hands. Makes me sad that we don't see each other as much as we should but life is crazy and super busy and we will always be friends and will never forget all the great memories we share.

Finally!!! It's her time to be a MOMMY :) Rebecca and Don are having twin girls that are due on Christmas day. I don't know anyone who deserves this more. I am so happy for her and I can't wait to hold those beautiful baby girls!

Two Steps Away

As a family we watch 'So You Think You Can Dance'.  The girls and I love it, Eli enjoys it most of the time.  I have never missed an episode since it started, the girls got into it with me about 2 years ago.  There have been dances through the years that have hit certain spots and it has happened yet again.  This piece was about living with fear and how to move on.  This is something that hit really close to home for me, especially lately.

Patti Labelle co-wrote this song with these thoughts......

"We are two steps away from being kind people.
We are two steps away from respecting each other.
Two steps away from listening to each other.
Two steps away from loneliness and happiness."

Here is the entire song by Patti Labelle.



Here is the beautiful performance by Kathryn and Legacy, a vision and choreography from Stacey Tookey.

Attitude

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.  Attitude, to me, is more than facts.  It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than success, than what other people think or say or do.  It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill.  It will make or break a company...a church...a home.  The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.  We cannot change our past.....we cannot change the fact that people will act a certain way.  We cannot change the inevitable.  The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude....I am convinced that life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.  And so it is with you....we are in charge of our attitudes." 

~Charles Swindoll

Mother Teresa's Prayer

"People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  Forgive them anyway.  
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.  
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.  Succeed anyway.  
If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you.  be honest and sincere anyway.  
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.  Create anyway.  
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.  Be happy anyway.  
The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  Do good anyway.  
Give the best you have and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway.  
In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway."

~Mother Teresa

Makenna is on her way! at OneTrueMedia.com

Look what I found!!! It feels like it was so long ago. And yes, I cried all the way through it. Time goes by way too fast!

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Volunteer work

Nursing school requires me to do 4 hours of volunteer work a semester in order to stay in the program.  The end of this semester is coming soon and I have not yet done my volunteer work.  There was no way I was able to squeeze any time in during my pediatric rotation, so I put it off.  I am running out of time and there is a volunteer opportunity to vaccinate for the H1N1 vaccine in Lansing.  I have my own issues about vaccinations and wish I researched them more when I was a young mother, especially when it came to Olivia.  I am not anti vaccine but children should be looked at as individuals and not be grouped as a whole (my own opinion).  So I started doing a little research on the vaccine and I'm really not that impressed.
Dr. Steve Harrison, old friend of mine, recommended a blog that I now read.  Dr. David Brownstein discusses holistic family medicine, as does Dr. Steve Harrison. These are Dr. Browstein's thoughts on the vaccine and here is the information from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).  To each their own.  I don't know if I feel comfortable giving this new vaccine and/or getting it.  I do know that I am not vaccinating my children for it, especially Olivia.
Nursing school is changing my thoughts and interests and I am more aware of prevention and wellness.  I have learned that Americans focus more on treatment then prevention in general.  Eli and I are trying to make some 'healthier' changes in our household and I am trying to become more educated....in all my spare time. 
Any thoughts?

An addition to the Schultz household

Aside from Eli's kidney stone, we have a new addition to our family. He was a stray brought into my work at AEC on Saturday night. He reminded me of Bandit (aside from "the claw") and I couldn't help myself. I brought him home and let him grow on Eli (luckily Eli is highly medicated).


I named him after my favorite FBI agent from my favorite t.v. show Bones. So his name is "BOOTH" but Makenna calls him "BOOF". He loves the girls and the girls love him. The other animals in the household are tolerating him except for Bink. Bink is the jealous type.
He has been the much needed comic relief for this family this past week. Kittens are so fun :)

What a day!

May 5th is a day that has been etched in my life for the past 11 years. Eleven years ago today, I graduated as a LVT (Licensed Veterinary Technician) with an Associates Degree in Applied Science and sadly it was also the due date of the baby that Eli and I lost. It was a day that I have always had mixed emotions about. A day that made me smile and made me cry, every year since then. On graduation day I was surrounded by great friends, my awesome sister, my husband and my wonderful parents! That night Eli and I partied until the sun came up. It is a day in my life that will always be with me and will never be forgotten.
TODAY, MAY 5th 2009, 11 years later....still young, yet a little wiser! A wife of over 11 years, mother of 3 beautiful little girls, working and going to school full time. TODAY, I passed my final exam with a 90%! I am now a LPN (Licensed Practical Nurse). In one short year, I will be an RN! :)
So it is a great day today! A milestone that I can add to my May 5th with the greatest SMILE :)! Proof of how great my life truly is and how to take the good with the bad sometimes. Today, I am reminded that Eli has been there with me every step of the way from the very beginning to this very moment. He has held my hand through ALL of this. He has been there to laugh with me and has been there to wipe away my tears!! Through good times and bad! So I DID IT, but not alone, with my partner in crime and also all the people I love the most!

Words to live by

"Resolving a conflict doesn't mean you must think or feel exactly the same. It means accepting and respecting inevitable differences in opinions and priorities."

~Bonnie Eaker Weil PhD