Speed Bump....

The hype and excitement have subsided.  I have conquered what I set out to achieve with all my hard work, all that was handed to me and all that I fought so hard for.  Going into nursing school with a back injury was definitely not my intention when I started taking prerequisites to get into the program.  With the help of many doctors, pain specialist, and my physical therapist and support from my family and friends, I did it and made it through in one piece.  I am worn out. My back and my mind have had enough and I am calling it quits for a little bit...MERCY!  

I started seeing a neurologist/neurosurgeon in February.  With much careful considerations, second opinions including seeing an orthopedic surgeon, and many many discussions with Eli, I have decided to have back surgery.  My neurosurgeon, Eli and I have decided on an ALIF (Anterior Lumbar Interbody Fusion).  Fancy term for back surgery through the stomach.  It adds a little bit of complication but recovery should be smoother if all goes well.  I will hopefully be able to laugh when I set off the metal detector at the airport on our way to a vacation somewhere beautiful when all of this is said and done.

Yesterday was my pre-op appointment/physical and received all my paperwork and hand outs to prepare for this surgery and hospital stay.  I would be lying if I said that I am not terrified.  Eli and I went through the paper work and risks again together and talked about the what-ifs last night and now I think Eli is a little nervous but I can tell he is trying really hard to stay strong from me.  I will be checking into the hospital on Monday at 5:30 am and am hoping to be home by Thursday.  Recovery will take time and I'm trying to be very optimistic yet careful about my expectations.

It is going to be a huge change to be the patient and be on the opposite end of the spectrum.  Now that I am more educated on what can happen and what does happen in the hospital make things a little nerve-racking for me. With that considered, I have chosen a highly recommended neurosurgeon, vascular surgeon and a hospital that I have had nothing but great experiences from.

Recovery will depend on a few things.  How well the bones fuse together, how well I behave, if there are any complications and how fast I heal.  I will have limitations for 6 months to 1 year and it will be difficult and next to impossible to get a nursing job with these restrictions.  So my light at the end of the tunnel has become a little further away but as of now I still see it.  I am blessed to have my job at AEC and my friends at AEC that have been working with my limitations this far and will take me back a little broken when I am able to start working again.

While I am recovering I will be enjoying my family, working on my resume, and studying for my NCLEX.  I am not allowed to drive for 4 weeks which goes well with the fact that I still don't have a car.  I have been trying to get this house organized and cleaned to my anal retentive perfection of what I call clean but I am having a hard time with all of this physically and emotionally.  The closer Monday gets, the sadder I get for many reasons.  Money being a big reason, not being the Mommy and the wife that I want to be is another.  I find myself becoming even more frustrated when I see all my nursing school friends finding jobs and going to interviews.  They are fulfilling their journey of become a nurse, while I am preparing my house and family for not having me at my best once again.

Eli keeps telling me that God gives us what we are capable of handling and we will make it through this.  If this is true, than this must be the reason why I have Eli with me. This one I don't feel that I am capable of handling alone.  I am in over my head and I have learned to let go of some of my excessive control and am handing this over to Eli for full support.  I even gave him permission to shave my legs!  I am so grateful for my husbands ginormous strength, courage, forgiveness, and love.  Life in the Schultz household has been on many twists and turns in the past year and I really wanted to finally be at a little bit of a standstill to come back together and make up for what has been lost along the way.

I'm not sure of what normal will eventually be in the future but I am hopeful for normal one day soon.  I am waiting impatiently for my exciting and terrifying first day as a nurse on my own without a clinical instructor.  I just have to wait a little longer than I wanted and expected. I am still proud of my accomplishments!  Focusing on that is helping.  Continuing to focus on that will hopefully help me all the way through this recovery.  Nothing is going to stop me from dusting off my walker and get ready for some cruising.  As of now I am up for the challenge.

There has been a few doctors that question if my back will be able to handle the physical stress of the big world of nursing.  I say that I have made it this far for a reason.  I WILL be a nurse and I will be a great one!  I am just being taught once again about patience.  BRING IT!

PICTURES :)

Graduation