Bad Mood!

Well the girls are sick. Erika has an ear infection and a cough, Olivia has a cough. I was up all night with Erika coughing. Had to get out of bed a couple of time to wake up Eli, who never ended up coming to bed. So I didn't get much sleep.

I woke up to jello being all over the hallway carpet and Erikas room and V8 juice spilled all over Erikas carpet - THANK YOU OLIVIA! She is such a slob! If she has it, she'll spill it!

I'm so tired! I am done watching over Eli and his sleep habits. If he doesn't want to come to bed - SO BE IT! If he's late for work - SORRY! NOT MY FAULT! Some days I feel like all I do is babysit! At work and at home! I know it's not my job to watch over people but it's an annoying habit that I have. I need to just worry about myself (and my children) and let it go, because everytime I try to help - I get screwed, and nobody seems to care!

Today I feel like I have been holding back tears ever since I woke up this morning! I just feel like screaming! I don't know what the hell I'm doing with my life. I don't want to talk to anyone about it because I just get more angry and then I sound like a horrible person. I don't know how to explain myself without coming off like a nasty bitch of a person, and lately I feel like NOBODY knows me, understands me or even cares!

Poor Dana, well sorry, I am having a bad day. I feel like I have so much love for everyone in my life and nobody truely knows how much I love them. I am so misunderstood and it is so FRUSTRATING. I'm completely irrational and don't know how to deal with my feelings correctly. I know that....I'm working on it! I feel like I speak a different language than everyone else, that everyone is in this wonderful popular group and I wasn't invited. Am I back in junior high? 

What kind of wife, mother, and friend am I. Lately I don't want to even talk to my friends, I just want to be left alone. How do I push my feelings aside? Is it possible? Why does it seem that everyone else has such a better handle on life than I do? Sometimes I feel I am the way I am, LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME. How selfish am I?