Busy Monday

Just finished doing bills. I HATE bills.

Last week was OK - Wednesday was my birthday. Went to lunch with Mom, Sis, Grandma, Aunt, and the kiddos to Brighton Bar and Grill. Made me realize how nasty people can be. Thanks to the lovely old couple who can't stand children.

I don't understand why people are so outwardly rude! I'm not saying that I'm never rude, but I try really hard not to make people feel like crap.

Today I help in out in Olivia's class, it was very cute. Olivia loved having her Mommy there. I even got to check on Erika and suprise her in the large motor room - She was even more excited. After school we were off to gymnastics. I love watching the girls.

I felt the baby on Friday. I was excited. I'm at the stand still in my pregnancy. Where I feel really fat but don't feel really pregnant. I have ants in my pants and I just want to find out if it's a boy or girl - it's driving me crazy.

Eli's golfing today. I really wish he wasn't. I feel like I didn't get to see him that much at all this weekend. The house is a mess and I feel completely un-motivated!

Where did the weekend go?

This weekend was nice. Saturday we had Kimmy, Bobby, and Dave over for dinner. Then the guys played drinking games while Kimmy and I watched "Closer" (stupid movie).

Sunday, Eli and Bobby put up a new swing set for the girls. Dave helped once in a while. Kimmy and I went shopping for a lawn swing, but was unlucky.

Some exciting news-Kimmys going to be a MOMMY!!!!!! I'm so excited for her. I think she's a little nervous. We got on the computer and figured out her due date and stuff - December 28th. So our new little ones should only be around 3 months apart. She's going to be such a great mom. I pray that this pregnancy will go well for her - She deserves it.

Today, Olivia stayed home from preschool. She's still not feeling well. So I had to take her to my doctors appointment. She was excited to hear the baby's heartbeat. Then I had Ryan for a couple hours and managed to get a 45 minute nap. I feel horrible. I started my second round of antibiotics today. I can't wait for all the sickness to exit the Schultz household.

I made my ultrasound appointment today - It's May 18. So hopefully we can find out the sex then. Eli is golfing right now. Erika is watching spongebob and Olivia is still napping. My Mom and Dad got their boat on Friday. They were on it all weekend. I think my mom was disappointed that we didn't go see it. Eli had some things to do before the sprinklers get put in tomorrow. Hopefully that goes well.

Bad Mood!

Well the girls are sick. Erika has an ear infection and a cough, Olivia has a cough. I was up all night with Erika coughing. Had to get out of bed a couple of time to wake up Eli, who never ended up coming to bed. So I didn't get much sleep.

I woke up to jello being all over the hallway carpet and Erikas room and V8 juice spilled all over Erikas carpet - THANK YOU OLIVIA! She is such a slob! If she has it, she'll spill it!

I'm so tired! I am done watching over Eli and his sleep habits. If he doesn't want to come to bed - SO BE IT! If he's late for work - SORRY! NOT MY FAULT! Some days I feel like all I do is babysit! At work and at home! I know it's not my job to watch over people but it's an annoying habit that I have. I need to just worry about myself (and my children) and let it go, because everytime I try to help - I get screwed, and nobody seems to care!

Today I feel like I have been holding back tears ever since I woke up this morning! I just feel like screaming! I don't know what the hell I'm doing with my life. I don't want to talk to anyone about it because I just get more angry and then I sound like a horrible person. I don't know how to explain myself without coming off like a nasty bitch of a person, and lately I feel like NOBODY knows me, understands me or even cares!

Poor Dana, well sorry, I am having a bad day. I feel like I have so much love for everyone in my life and nobody truely knows how much I love them. I am so misunderstood and it is so FRUSTRATING. I'm completely irrational and don't know how to deal with my feelings correctly. I know that....I'm working on it! I feel like I speak a different language than everyone else, that everyone is in this wonderful popular group and I wasn't invited. Am I back in junior high? 

What kind of wife, mother, and friend am I. Lately I don't want to even talk to my friends, I just want to be left alone. How do I push my feelings aside? Is it possible? Why does it seem that everyone else has such a better handle on life than I do? Sometimes I feel I am the way I am, LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME. How selfish am I?

Auntie Chris

Well today is Wednesday. Eli and the girls went out to get KFC so I thought I would take a second to write.

Today, I found out that my Auntie Chris has stage III ovarian cancer! I have been thinking about her all day and I just want to cry. It really put my life into perspective and made me realize how wonderful my life actually is. Nobody in my immediate family is sick or dying. When I was younger I lost my grandfather, but I was so young I don't really remember him. Later I lost a few friends from High School. 

I lost my Uncle Pat (my Auntie Chris's husband) about 10 years ago to a sudden heart attack. I would have to say, loosing my Uncle Pat has probably the hardest, just because he was a big part of my life and a big part of my parents life. It crushed my father. It hurt to see my parents hurting.

I wonder how people go through their day without thinking about people they have lost. I am truly blessed to have my family. Even though sometimes I wonder why I love them all so much when we argue! I decided that I need to start cherishing moments more and more. To stop dwelling in the past. Stop looking into the past so much and try to live life in every moment and enjoy it to the fullest. It's a hard thing to do!

I need to start being happy about all the wonderful things and wonderful people in my life! I pray that God will give me the strength. I pray and lift my Auntie Chris up to him! I pray that my Uncle Pat will keep her safe and watch over her.  Please help her and give her the strength she will need. Also give strength to her family and children-they have already lost one parent!

I understand when God wants you with him, it's suppose to be a wonderful thing. I just don't understand why the pain is so strong for the people left behind. Why do people have to suffer before he decides what he wants to do with you? When I think about death and suffering I question God. Is that right or wrong?

Sometimes I have to admitt, I get angry with him for letting it happen, when he has the power to give people peace. This is my struggle.

Thank GOD it's Friday

Today is a beautiful Friday!  I just took the girls to preschool and I am getting ready to do some bills. This week went OK. I am so glad that the sun is shining this morning, it really helps me get out of bed.

Erika drew a family picture while we were at my sisters house yesterday.  I have to say...she is quite the artist. She even drew a baby in mommy's belly! It was great! She is growing up so fast, when I think about it, I just want to cry. I hope that she know how much love I have for her. Sometimes I don't think I show it the way I should. She has always been such a good girl. I guess I don't feel like I give her enough attention. She is so independent. She can't wait for the new baby.

I just pray that Erika and Olivia never feel left out when the new baby comes.

Erika and I went on a field trip on Wednesday to "Have Trains Will Travel". It was cute, Erika is a social butterfly. When I was picking up Erika for field trip, Olivia was in the hallway and school painting an "anaconda", she didn't even see me. I just watched her. She such a different child at school, so quiet and calm. Finally she looked up and looked right at me with a BIG smile and said "Hi Momma - I'm painting a conda, SEE, I love you momma" then continued to paint. It was so precious. My heart was melting!

Eli has really been helping out. More this time than my other pregnancies. I'm starting to feel a little guilty and I don't really understand why. I hope that I am a good wife. There are some days that I'm not so sure. I think I'm a little to needy. I am trying to change for the good, there are days though that I think I am just plain selfish and there is no changing me.

Abby is coming to stay the weekend with the girls. They are so excited. I would like to get a swing set this weekend. It is suppose to be beautiful all weekend. I hope so!

I'm on my way

Well this is my first entry. I'm not really sure why I am doing this, but I think it is a good thing for me. I hate actually writing on paper and I'm not that great when it comes to keeping a journal so here I go!

Today is Davids birthday, the big 25. The boys...Eli, Dad, Jeff, and Dave are out golfing for the first time this season. It's a little chilly outside but I hope they are enjoying themselves.

My 2 daughters Erika and Olivia are in the other room watching Little Bear. They are low key today because of being up late last night and getting up early for church - Also the time change - Loosing an hour, gotta love the spring forward. I was thinking of napping but decided to do this instead.

I almost 14 weeks pregnant and all of a sudden decided I have not been keeping notes on how my 2 children have already grown. I remember when I was a little girl and I found a journal that my mother wrote in, there was only a couple of entries, but I remember them. I always that when I grew up I and had children of my own that I wanted to do that - Just so my children and I could have something to look back on. I feel like life is going by so quickly and I am already starting to forget the wonderful and exciting things that have happened in my life. This is a start I suppose.

I feel like I am at a stressful time in my life. Maybe because I'm pregnant or maybe because I am forgetting who I am and what God wants me to be. So I am in a search for 'calm'.

Sometimes I wonder if I have become someone that others want me to be. Am I being true to myself?  How to be your TRUE SELF?  I feel that some people have a better grasp of who they are. What's their secret?

I remember a time in my life when I was truly happy! I'm not sure if I am still TRULY happy. I know that I am doing 'ok' but not like I should be. I can only blame myself. For possibly falling into a routine, I should have recognized.

I know that Eli is frustrated with my attitude sometimes and together we are not who we use to be.  I know I love him with all my heart. Well anyways. I pray that this will help me find my way.