Speed Bump....

The hype and excitement have subsided.  I have conquered what I set out to achieve with all my hard work, all that was handed to me and all that I fought so hard for.  Going into nursing school with a back injury was definitely not my intention when I started taking prerequisites to get into the program.  With the help of many doctors, pain specialist, and my physical therapist and support from my family and friends, I did it and made it through in one piece.  I am worn out. My back and my mind have had enough and I am calling it quits for a little bit...MERCY!  

I started seeing a neurologist/neurosurgeon in February.  With much careful considerations, second opinions including seeing an orthopedic surgeon, and many many discussions with Eli, I have decided to have back surgery.  My neurosurgeon, Eli and I have decided on an ALIF (Anterior Lumbar Interbody Fusion).  Fancy term for back surgery through the stomach.  It adds a little bit of complication but recovery should be smoother if all goes well.  I will hopefully be able to laugh when I set off the metal detector at the airport on our way to a vacation somewhere beautiful when all of this is said and done.

Yesterday was my pre-op appointment/physical and received all my paperwork and hand outs to prepare for this surgery and hospital stay.  I would be lying if I said that I am not terrified.  Eli and I went through the paper work and risks again together and talked about the what-ifs last night and now I think Eli is a little nervous but I can tell he is trying really hard to stay strong from me.  I will be checking into the hospital on Monday at 5:30 am and am hoping to be home by Thursday.  Recovery will take time and I'm trying to be very optimistic yet careful about my expectations.

It is going to be a huge change to be the patient and be on the opposite end of the spectrum.  Now that I am more educated on what can happen and what does happen in the hospital make things a little nerve-racking for me. With that considered, I have chosen a highly recommended neurosurgeon, vascular surgeon and a hospital that I have had nothing but great experiences from.

Recovery will depend on a few things.  How well the bones fuse together, how well I behave, if there are any complications and how fast I heal.  I will have limitations for 6 months to 1 year and it will be difficult and next to impossible to get a nursing job with these restrictions.  So my light at the end of the tunnel has become a little further away but as of now I still see it.  I am blessed to have my job at AEC and my friends at AEC that have been working with my limitations this far and will take me back a little broken when I am able to start working again.

While I am recovering I will be enjoying my family, working on my resume, and studying for my NCLEX.  I am not allowed to drive for 4 weeks which goes well with the fact that I still don't have a car.  I have been trying to get this house organized and cleaned to my anal retentive perfection of what I call clean but I am having a hard time with all of this physically and emotionally.  The closer Monday gets, the sadder I get for many reasons.  Money being a big reason, not being the Mommy and the wife that I want to be is another.  I find myself becoming even more frustrated when I see all my nursing school friends finding jobs and going to interviews.  They are fulfilling their journey of become a nurse, while I am preparing my house and family for not having me at my best once again.

Eli keeps telling me that God gives us what we are capable of handling and we will make it through this.  If this is true, than this must be the reason why I have Eli with me. This one I don't feel that I am capable of handling alone.  I am in over my head and I have learned to let go of some of my excessive control and am handing this over to Eli for full support.  I even gave him permission to shave my legs!  I am so grateful for my husbands ginormous strength, courage, forgiveness, and love.  Life in the Schultz household has been on many twists and turns in the past year and I really wanted to finally be at a little bit of a standstill to come back together and make up for what has been lost along the way.

I'm not sure of what normal will eventually be in the future but I am hopeful for normal one day soon.  I am waiting impatiently for my exciting and terrifying first day as a nurse on my own without a clinical instructor.  I just have to wait a little longer than I wanted and expected. I am still proud of my accomplishments!  Focusing on that is helping.  Continuing to focus on that will hopefully help me all the way through this recovery.  Nothing is going to stop me from dusting off my walker and get ready for some cruising.  As of now I am up for the challenge.

There has been a few doctors that question if my back will be able to handle the physical stress of the big world of nursing.  I say that I have made it this far for a reason.  I WILL be a nurse and I will be a great one!  I am just being taught once again about patience.  BRING IT!

PICTURES :)

Graduation

She makes me SMILE :)

~I Love My Mom~
I'm thankful that you make me stay home from school when I'm sick, you want no germs in my class.
I'm thankful that you make me feed the dog, you want me to be responsible.
I'm thankful that you make me eat good foods, you want me to be healthy.
I'm thankful for you because you are thankful for me.

Love,
Erika xo

Olivitree

Mom,

When I close my eyes I see your soft sparkling blue eyes, your smooth dark brown hair that reminds me of a blanket. The smile on your face warms my heart.

I appreciate how you help me.

I love it when you hug me and kiss me.

I will always remember the way you laugh and the way you did my hair.

Love Daughter

Via

Smurf's Bar Crawl

This picture says it all!

So I attended my first bar crawl.  Eli and I headed to downtown Lansing.  I was so excited to introduce Eli to my other part of my life.  I have made some great friends along this journey.  I have learned so much from some of these people.  We had a great group and I can honestly say that some of these people felt like family.  Most of the time we all worked as a team with a common goal and a want to make a difference.  We have cried together, complained together, but most of all we have all had some great laughs together.  It's hard to believe that I won't see some of these people four times a week anymore.  As much as I was so completely DONE  with this program, I will never forget all the learning experiences and friendships I have made along the way!  This night was a great night to end our trip to hell and back!  We DID IT, we succeeded and damn did we celebrate!!!  I LOVE ALL MY FELLOW SMURFS and will miss you all so much!!!!

The rest of the pictures along with some of our last days as 'Nursing Students' are here.....

Or just click on the album

Nursing Madness :)

Bandit AKA 'The Sock Bandit'

THE CLAW

Bandit was hit by a car when he was about a year old.  Couple surgeries later, a pneumothorax, and lots of cage rest, he ended up with radial nerve damage and a great attitude.  Everyone recommended that I amputated his leg.  I thought it gave him character.  We decided to call it the claw, but it worked more like a hook.  He could catch birds with it, clean his face and tackle his other best buds in the household with it.  The claw made him who he was until the day he was send to be reunited with Stanley, Cloudy, Misty, Anabelle, Katie, and Capone.  He has left Bink, who was his best friend and right now it's so hard to watch Bink be sad and alone.

He was called Bandit because he would steal socks.  He would get into my Dad's sock drawer and then after I was married, Eli's sock drawer.  He would put socks randomly around the entire house.  The socks would have great big holes in them.  Rarely were you able to catch him in the act.  Sometime you could hear this crazy meow growl sound and see him walk around the corner with a sock in mouth like he just killed prey. 

He would nurse all my stray babies that I would bring home through the years, and there were ALOT.  He would clean them and keep them warm, watch over them and be a surrogate mother to them, except for the birds of course....  He was always in the mix.  Never cared what was new that was brought in the household and always wanted to pitch in and help. 

Bandit was 16 years old to the month.  He was my first baby!  He was with me through thick and thin....tech school, marriage, our first apartment, first house, children, jobs, and last but not least nursing school.  He was always around especially if you were happy, sick, injured, sad, or pregnant.  When my friends and I were all started to have children, we would call him the pregnancy test.  It was like he just knew.  He loved parties and loved attention.  When the girls were sick or sad he was there...ALWAYS.  After Eli and I told the girls that he passed, Erika was crying so hard she could barely speak and she spit out "he would be with me right now, trying to make me feel better, he can't be gone, he just can't".  And he would've been.  He would lick the tears away, cuddle up tight and just be there, no questions asked. It's was so hard to be the Mom in that moment and be strong so I could be there for her when I felt the same exact way.

There will NEVER be another pet in my life that could fill the hole of what he was to this family and to me.  You could have a conversation with him and he would answer you, he would even talk to himself on many occasions, usually in the middle of the night when everyone was sleeping.  He would wake us all up and you would hear all of us scream from our beds "BE QUIET BANDIT".  

 

His last Christmas with us

Seriously??  You woke me up for that????

Bandit always would study with me.  He was my study partner.  When he heard me get the books out, he was there.  He was there for my late night care map session.  He was there when I was stressed about a test.  Always laying on my papers.  Sometimes just to keep me company, sometimes for attention.  Be he was there.  The past couple of days have been so hard because I still think I see him because Boof looks so much like him and I just want to cry. 

There has been so much change in our lives this past week and this is one that I wish I could take away and just have a little more time.

Bandit will forever be in our hearts and is a part of many many memories that our family has made!