Bed Rest

On Monday I was sent from work to Botsford hospital by ambulance because of a back injury. It took 3 doses of Fentanyl and 4 men to move me from the kennel room to the ambulance. I would take childbirth any day over what I felt. After being at Botsford for almost 6 hours, they couldn't tell me anything and/or control the pain properly. In my opinion Botsford ER sucks! Tuesday I had an MRI and yesterday I went to my internist for my results. I have a bulging disc between L5 and S1 with degeneration and arthritis in my sacrum, she said that it wasn't really normal for my age, but hey nothing ever is in my case. The good news is that the the disc is not completely herniated and cutting off the nerve supply but the inflammation that all this has caused, intermittently puts too much pressure on my nerves. So she has also started me on Prednisone (yeah so I get to gain 10 pounds). After the pain and numbness resolves I will be starting rehab. So as of right now I am sporting this baby.......
Having a quad level house doesn't make life any easier, but I am starting to master the stairs. I have only fallen once and Eli (thank God) was there to catch me.
Erika helps me get dressed in the morning (what a big girls she is). Olivia loves to do anything for me. She has even been doing some laundry. Makenna has picked up on things and tries to help as much as a 2 year old can and she keeps me smiling through the day. I have the greatest friends and family. My Mom and Dad have been here almost everyday. Kimmy is taking over the mommy role for my sick kitty. Jen brought dinner over Monday night, Cath came over and spent the day with me, folded laundry for me, took me to the doctor, made dinner, and made me laugh. I can't even begin to tell everything Eli has done, some things I cannot elaborate on. He has been my sole support system and I can honestly now say he has seen me at my worst.
I am a control freak and relying on other people is very difficult for me. I feel helpless and useless. Thank God for the all the important people in my life, I just hope one day I can return the favor.
So to make a long story short....I am in pain, highly medicated, and very bored. So if anyone is bored and wants to be bored with me, come on over and you could bring me some people or star magazines. I love the gossip smut magazines. I want my independence back and I am trying to find the humor in all of this.

Ryan's feminine side

Erika, Lauren, and Olivia were born one after another. They have pretty much been raised together treat each other like sisters which includes sibling rivalry. All girls included a lot of whining and foo foo stuff. We had a little break, then we saw a light....A BOY. Poor Ryan. He has been with girls girls girls. He has adapted well. He likes to play dress up and princesses with Makenna (as you can see above). Eli and Jeff are constantly chasing him around telling him to put that down or take that off..."be a man". I love Ryan and I think he is perfect just the way he is. He definitely knows how to play like a boy, he is just in touch with his feminine side. He will make some woman very happy one day. Makenna and Ryan are great together and it's a nice break from the constant bickering that Erika, Lauren, and Olivia do.

Vesta

Vesta is an orphan kitty that I have been taking care of since Saturday. She has had her good days and bad days. She has a severe upper respiratory infection. So I have been tube feeding her, medicating her every 4 hours and being her Mommy. Yes I am falling in love with her. If I put her down she finds me and follows me all around the house. This is the reason why I already have 4 cats. I cannot Mother something and then give it away. Eli is trying to remind me that we don't live in animal kingdom.

A visit with Sophia and Marina

Erika and Sophia

Makenna, Olivia, and Marina

The Dennis's came over last Saturday night and the girls were up and cheerful until 11pm. Bobby and I were dwindling before they were. Marina and Makenna are so fun to watch. It is nice to see Makenna interact with children her own age. I can't believe Marina and Makenna are growing up so fast. I hope they stay the best of friends. It seems like yesterday that I was still watching Marina and my days were filled with diaper changes and bottles. I don't miss the babies crying and needing to be fed at the same time or waking each other up from their naps, but I do miss all the precious moments. Marina was like my forth child and I feel like I don't even know Sophia because of life's busyness. She is a happy baby and has big beautiful blue eyes.

My Big Sis

Diane is graduating tonight from U of M Flint. She will now hold a bachelor's degree in social work with HONORS and will be moving on in the near future for her Masters degree. I am so proud of my big sister. She has worked so hard! Diane is a huge inspiration to me! Great Job Di!!! Wish I could be there to see you tonight, but I will be with you in spirit! YOU DID IT!!!!

This could be Eli one day......

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband. "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked. "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would only have to spend $150?"

The man then replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

It's Official

Dear Dana,

We have completed Phase II review of your application for the Career Ladder Nursing Program. You have been admitted to the Fall 2008 class. Please accept my congratulations!

The rest of the letter pretty much read blah blah blah, orientation meeting blah blah blah. Holy crap I did it! In roughly 25 months, I will be an RN!!

Twin Lake Chalet

The view during the day

The view at night

The Cottage

Diane and I put many hours into a search that seemed endless at times. We looked online at so many different websites. We have talked to people on the phone and through email. At one time I think I had over 50 emails that were conversations back and forth to renters, Diane, Jeff, and Eli. Well the original one we wanted ended up having a cancellation come up on Saturday. Diane had jumped on it and we have reserved it for 1 week at the end of June. We are going with the good ol' Meadors family. This cottage is perfect! It is equipped with boats, tubing, fishing equipment, game room, private beach, horseshoes, fire pit, and fully stocked wine cellar. What we will add is lots of laughter, probably some tears (with Makenna it's inevitable), euchre tournaments (Jeff and I will of coarse prevail), Texas hold'em, exquisite barbecued food by Chef Eli and Chef Jeff and lots of memories! I am in need of some family time and knowing it is in the near future makes life a little easier. The one thing it won't be is quiet, that's for sure, but that's just part of the territory.

Thank You Norma Pegram

I received two envelopes from LCC yesterday. One being in a regular envelope and the other in a BIG envelope. I let Eli open letters from LCC because I would rather hear bad or good news from him, it went like this........

Dear Dana,

CONGRATULATIONS! On behalf of the LCC Foundation Board of Directors, it is my pleasure to inform you that you have been selected to receive the LPN Scholarship in Honor of Mrs. Pegram. This award covers the 2008-2009 academic year (fall and spring semester) and will be administered through the LCC Office of Financial Aid.

We congratulate you on your academic achievements and wish you every success as you pursue your career goals her at Lansing Community College.

Sincerely,
Susan D. Fisher
Director of College Advancement

I hated school, I was never a good student. I received horrible grades and struggled all through grade school, junior high, high school, and college (the first time around). Without an acceptance into the nursing program as of yet (a couple more weeks of agony before I should find out). It keeps my spirits up knowing that someone believes in me enough to give me money for a goal they believe I will achieve. I didn't expect to receive any scholarship. I filled out an application, had two letters of recommendation (from Dr. Muns and my academic adviser) and wrote a personal statement and hoped for the best. It was a pat on the back for me, to actually know that all I did to redeem myself academically was noticed. Last night, laying in bed with Eli, I thanked him and told him that this scholarship was for him too. If it wasn't for him, his support, his help, I would have never been able to accomplish what I did and get the grades I did. I love being able to share these moments of greatness with him. I could not have done this alone or ever want to do this journey without him. This accomplishment I truly share with Eli, because we did it together.
The scholarship doesn't pay for all my tuition for the next year, but it will help and it is money that I don't have to pay back! What a great feeling!
One of the reasons that I chose LCC was because half way through the RN program I will be eligible to take the National Council Licensing Examination – Practical Nurse (NCLEX-PN). If I pass the examination I can work as a Licensed Practical Nurses (LPN) while I finish my second year. Some employers have been known to help with tuition for the second year if you sign a contract saying you will work in their facility after graduation.

Oh.....so that's what God is doing

I had to laugh this morning when I read this bible verse for the day on my Google homepage.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Bowling for a cure

The relay for life walk that I am participating in is having a bowling fundraiser at MerriBowl lanes on Friday April 25th at 9:15pm. Tickets are $20 per person and includes three games of bowling, a piece of pizza and a pop. Shoes will .99 cents, small price to pay to share feet lint (sorry, I think renting bowling shoes is a lot like wearing someone else's underwear). Spending a night with Eli and I.......priceless. The money will go toward our booth at the relay to help up sell hats, food, etc. Oh and there also will be 50/50 drawings that night.

It's all about me......

I know....my house is a mess
I believe...in God
I fought....for almost everything I have
I am angered....by disrespectful and hurtful people
I love....everyone in my life
I take.....things too seriously
I hear....Makenna playing and talking to herself when she should be napping
I drink...too much coffee
I hate.....doing bills
I use.....mistakes as learning experiences
I want......to be out of debt
I like......who I am
I feel.....exhausted
I wear.....whatever is most comfortable
I left....work on time last night
I do.....everything I can for my family
I hope....for the future
I dream...of a vacation
I drive....well, even though my husband doesn't agree
I listen....to music all the time
I type....very well
I think.....I can get through it
I need...Eli's strength and support
I wish...I already finished nursing school
I am....a thankful wife, a loving mother, a great friend, sister, daughter, and student
I regret.....not believing in myself enough to go to nursing school after high school
I care...about everything and everyone that is a part of my life
I should...take a shower
I am....usually happy, goofy and slightly obnoxious
I said....I love chocolate near my area
I wonder....why God hasn't given up on me yet
I changed....too many diapers
I cry...when I watch girly movies
I lose....my car keys, camera and cell phone all the time
I leave...no one behind

NO MORE DIAPERS

Makenna is officially potty trained, including night-night time! This is the first time in over 8 years that we will not have to buy diapers, wipes, pull-ups, or goodnight panties! WHEW, that was a long ride. I never have to clean a poopy diaper again, at least until grandchildren come along......

Spinning my wheels

I am absent. That would be the one word that describes me at this moment. I haven't been answering my phone. If you don't have a problem with your animal, I have nothing to talk to you about. Every muscle in my body is sore. Work has consumed me and and spit me out. I don't remember the last time I had a real adult conversation that didn't consist of children and/or animals. It has almost been a month since I worked less than a 45-50 hours in a week. I am trying to find the time and energy to be with and truly enjoy my family and my house and I am ultimately failing.
Yes I know that things could be worse and I should feel grateful and blessed for all the wonderful things in my life. I should be grateful that Eli and I are employed and have each other and healthy children. It would actually be easier if I actually had time to enjoy the wonderful things in my life. There isn't enough time nor energy left.
The sad part about it, is with all the work I have been doing, we have caught up on how bad we were financially, but still have nothing to show for it. Once school starts again, it will be just as bad once again. One good thing is work will not be all that I am. I would rather be by myself studying than be with some of the people I work with that have a total lack of respect for one another. It is frustrating that I am putting so much effort into something that I feel is so unrewarding. I don't expect special attention for a job well done, but a simple thank you once in a while would be nice. Not the constant nagging, disrespect, demanding and bitching. Being with the animals is what gets me through the day, knowing that I am actually helping them, they even seem more grateful most of the time. I am having a problem with people and I am starting to question if I will be able to handle it in the medical field without the animals to buff the crappy attitudes. I don't expect everyday to be filled with sunshine and roses, but an occasional day, when you feel that you really made a difference makes it all worth while.
Eli has been trying really hard to help me with my little attitude problem and being the wonderful man that he is, is what is keeping me from throwing in the towel. He is the strong one, he is my grace. I remember when I first started going to church, alone, when Erika was a baby, searching for God knows what. Praying so hard for Eli to do church with me. Begging him to come with me, wanting so much more for us. For him to see God the way I saw him. Struggling to stay committed to my want to be in relationship with him, when Eli wanted no part of it. The role has drastically been reversed. He is involved probably as much if not more. He has been reading bible verses to me that he got from his small group and it is taking all that I have in me not to tell him to shut up and leave me alone. He is reading the bible, trying to give me insight on life and love. I tune him out the way I tune out Makenna, Olivia, and Erika when they are whining. Every chance he gets, he tells me that he loves me and why he loves me and how much he loves me. He hugs me and just gives me a simple kiss and I think to myself, why? Is he mental? I have actually thought to myself that he deserves better. I am truly ugly inside right now, filled with a ton of hateful and pessimistic feelings. I am doubting my strength and courage.
This is not who I am or what I want to be. I have always been a happy go lucky, social person who loves to be with anyone and everyone. I love to laugh, especially at completely inappropriate times and add my smart ass two cents in at all cost. Lately it is hard for me to give a simple smile and say hello.