This isn't funny anymore

Not that it ever was funny, I am so done, not literally of coarse. I am tired of doctors appointments, physical therapy appointments, being stuck with genormous needles, not being able to work, not being able to pick up Makenna and throw her in the air, not being able to carry my girls to bed, falling back into the debt hole we were starting to creep out of, not having my independence!
I am so sick of the unknown. The unknown of when I will be able to wake up in the morning and not feel pain. When I can go back to work. When I can carry laundry upstairs without the fear of reinjuring myself. To not have to take pain medication everyday. To not cringe every time someone asks how I feel because I am so sick of talking about it. I feel like S#!^, is what I want to say. If I say how I really feel, I feel like a big pussy. It is defining me, controlling me and it is starting to become who I am and my frustration is trickling down to my children and to Eli.
I am pissed off that it says that I have a 10lb lifting restriction on my nursing school health form that I have to turn in. I am 32 years old and this is bull crap. I go to physical therapy 3 days a week for 2 hours at a time and I have never missed an appointment, not even one! I work out with old people, not Brad Jeffrey old, I am talking old people. I work my butt off. There are days that I focus on one thing in the room and just keep saying "you can do it, your that much closer". Every time I just want to give up pt, I suck it up and push back the tears, when I just want to stomp my foot sometimes and say, enough already, I do a few more, I push a little harder. The other day there was a lady there in her 80's that had heavier weights on her push down and pull downs then I did. I felt like a little kid. Why does she get more than me? No fair. I actually argued with the technician. He said, sorry Mrs. Schultz, Frank says no. STOP CALLING ME MRS. SCHULTZ, my name is Dana. What is that all about, really....are you joking? I love my physical therapist and he has done wonders and I know things could be worse and this isn't an easy fix. I've been told this over and over. Frank really is pushing me and I am truly blessed to have been put in such great hands. I am happy that I have that sore feeling the next day because I feel like I am getting somewhere. I am happy that I am doing actual strenuous physical exercises, because I know I am becoming capable. Now along with the back and leg pain I have muscle pain and some muscle spasms. You know, the ones that wake you up in the middle of the night, those charlie horse leg pains. It sucks but it makes me feel like I'm getting somewhere. Eli says I don't drink enough water. I am trying to call it the good pain.
The pain injections are starting to wear off I think. I am back on taking pain medication on a regular basis. I really wanted to avoid having more injections because I thought the first experience was so painful, I didn't want to go through it again. I thought I would be fine, I really did.
My internist told me last week that this was a life changing event. I just wanted to fall over. "What do you mean?" Maybe I just never realized it because it was never said to me like that in black and white. I just thought when I felt better, I would be better, end of story.....fixed. Maybe I was too hopeful or completely naive. She told me that this can and probably will happen again and I will always have to be careful. In the simplest of words, according to Dr. Carbajo and Dr. Cueto, physical therapy and exercise is what is going to keep me out of the surgery room and that it will never be "fixed". WHAT? Was she talking to me? I actually thought maybe she was thinking of a different patient. I felt deceived, like someone took something from me. I can be right back to where I was in the beginning with something as simple as turning the wrong way? I don't want to go through that ever again. Lets just hope not for a while, or at least until I finish school and pay off my student loans.
I have to keep up with my exercises and it will never be over. I don't know where I am going to find the drive or the time to do all these exercises when pt is over, in between being a Mom, a wife, a student, and work. I know it's in me, but honestly I can see myself saying, I'll do it tomorrow. I need this strength, I want this strength, but the truth is, I need someone behind me pushing me sometimes.
I was told by a friend last week that maybe I should think about getting a desk job. I was also told by another friend that maybe God is trying to point me in a different direction. Honestly I felt overwhelmingly pissed off. Not after what I have gone through. Not after all that I worked for and suffered through and gave up. I am not a quitter. Nursing was all I ever wanted to do. I have waited long enough. I have done my time. I have worked too hard, I earned it! God is not pointing me in a different direction, that can't be, I absolutely refuse to believe that. He better just be showing me how strong I am, at least I hope that's what he's doing.
I have worked my ass off and nursing is one of my unfinished goals. I am not a pencil pusher. That's not my thing. I can't just sit there, I want to be part of the action. I want to help people, I want to be able to heal people. I want to be able to bring joy and a sense of calmness to someone that is hurting. I want to be there for people who feel as frustrated as I do right now and hold their hand and walk with them and hug them.....you can't do that sitting down. That is who I am. I refuse to let anything crush my hopes and dreams. This is what I believe is my ultimate gift from God. It is the one thing I am so sure of. I am not giving up yet. I am going to get through nursing school and get back to work if I have to do with my walker.

Congrats to Mr. and Mrs. Ian Gannon

Last night Ian and Dana were joined as husband and wife. They met in high school and both graduated from Michigan State. Dana is an RN and works in the neonatal intensive care unit in Ohio were Ian is doing his residency to be a neurologist.

Ian and Dana as husband and wife

Peggy, Diane, Kathleen, Andrea, Dana, Laura, and me.

The Lake Charlevoix Crew

There were many years that when I was younger our families went to Lake Charlevoix together. There were also trips to Yogi Bear Camp ground, Traverse City, Sleeping Bear Sand Dunes, and Grant and Linda's cottage. Oh and we can never forget all the dinners at Dills. Kathleen and Diane were the oldest and would go out and meet boys and shop, or just drive around in the mini van and act cool. Peggy and I were the ones that used to stay back and babysit David (yes David was the only boy, poor guy), Dana, Andrea, and Laura when the parents would go out at night. I think at one point, all the little girls had a crush on David and would giggle and follow him around.

When I turned 16 I would get Andrea and Dana off the bus everyday and watched them four days a week, 2 summers in a row from 7-5. Dana was always the serious good girl and Andrea was my little trouble maker. She reminded me so much of myself. Peggy used to babysit Laura, so we would occasionally get them together during the day in the summer and go to the movies or McDonald or just would get them together so Peggy and I could have moral support. Now the three of them are all grown up and getting married. WOW, I remember when they used to have blankets (Laura called hers her B) suck their thumbs and change their diapers. They are all so beautiful and have grown up to be well rounded young woman!

Uncle Oscar, Aunt Mary, Brian, Marlene, Jerry, Chris, Linda, Grant, Dawn and Dave

The Ford ~ Rouge Steel Crew

These are the parents. Uncle Oscar, Brian, Grant, Dawn, Linda and my Dad all met at work (Originally Ford then chained off to Double Eagle, then Rouge Steel, now called Severstal) and they were inseparable. I used to call all of them by Uncle and Auntie because they were in my life more than my blood relatives. Dawn is the only one still with the company and they have all gone on to bigger and better things, but they always stayed close and ALWAYS have a great time when they get together.

We had such a great night together, filled with full laughter and talking about old times. I love those moments when you feel at home. Reminds me of that Cheers song, "Where everybody knows your name".




You can see the rest of the pictures from the wedding HERE.

The Gannon Wedding

Boating Fun

Yesterday we headed out to Lake St. Clair. David is in town for a week or so. The weather couldn't have been nicer. Not a cloud in the sky and no humidity, which is a huge plus for me. I HATE humidity.

Eli and my Dad were bumping belly's, I guess it's a man thing, kinda like rubbing your antlers on trees or something. Trying to show each other which one had the bigger belly. Being to preoccupied with comparing their manhood they didn't see Jeff coming, so Jeff decided to push them both overboard, they didn't know what hit them. Eli didn't drop his beer, go figure.

My Mom and Dad bought a dingy last year (this little boat that connects to their big boat). Uncle Dave decided to take Makenna, Erika, and I for a ride after he took Ryan for a ride. Ryan loved when Uncle Dave went FAST! He took the girls a little slower, mostly to just get Makenna to sleep and my back can't handle the bumps, so I got to sit on this blue cushion thing that is so comfy. Makenna did fall asleep and then Uncle Dave decided to join her in her nap in the front cabin.

My dad must be hanging out with the girls too much because now he thinks he's cool and shows the peace sign. They are quite the boaters and just seems to know everyone and anyone.

The girls met some new friends. They all had fun swimming together.

My little swimmers!


While the guys were cooking up chicken, burgers, and hot dogs back at the dock in the marina...the girls took the little ones down to the pool. Yes the marina they dock their boat at has a pool, along with anything else you can think of under the sun. They had a blast. At one time my Mom thought Ryan was waving at her when actually he was almost drowning. Good thing Diane was there to save her child. All of them this year are little water bugs. Erika and Olivia are finally swimming in the deep end without life jackets!

You can see the rest of the pictures HERE.

Boating Fun 2008

July 4th Fireworks

The Meador's, Dennis's, and Schultz's headed to the fireworks in Fowlerville on the 4th. We found a great spot right near the playground. The kids had a blast. It is hard to count 7 children under the age of 8 when it is so crowded but we managed not to loose any of them. WHEW!

A child (not any of ours) had pooped and made a skid mark down this slide, nobody was coming to clean it up, and of coarse none of the other parents would fess up to their child's mistake, so Diane decided to glove up (or double bag) and take the matter into her own hands.

Lauren climbing the wall!

Erika and Sophia

Kimmy just got a new double stroller and all the kids were able to get their turn to sit in it! All of them took turns and loved taking care of Sophia.

Olivia and Ryan getting ready for the fireworks

Diane and her little man enjoying a moment together.


Bobby and Eli giving Marina and Makenna a little push. HIGHER DADDY HIGHER!


They were pooped! Snuggle time!

Diane and I with our "Big Gulp's" ;)

Eli bought this ridiculus hat from some strange man at the party store and decided to wear it all night. Sombrero anyone, ugh....

After the fireworks we headed back to Diane and Jeff's and played a little wii. We were out a little too late, but was worth every second.

You can see the rest of the pictures HERE.

July 4th 2008

Happy Birthday To My Big Sis!

Diane turned 34!

When we were at St. Helen, her first birthday celebration.....Jeff wrote out a cute card using all the titles of the songs that David Cook sang on American Idol and surprised her with American Idol tickets. She was pretty happy! SHE IS IN LOVE WITH DAVID COOK and sometimes you can catch her drooling if she sees his picture or listens to his songs.

We celebrated her birthday quite a few times. This was her actual birthday. Diane and Jeff had some people over to celebrate. This is one of Diane's best friends Tracy. Like we haven't barbecued enough in the past couple weeks, whats another one.

Without limes or lemons, we decided to do tequila shots with oranges. Much better. Note to self....a few shots of tequila, valium, and darvocet leads to a slight black outs also know as a drunken stooper.


You can see the rest of the pictures HERE

Diane 34th B-day 2008

A little TLC

Our vacation was all that I needed and more. We stayed at the "Twin Lake Chalet". It was perfect! The weather was perfect, the cottage was perfect. The memories and laughter were coming from all angles.

Every morning the kids were out in the water swimming by 9 while the parents were still waking up and consumed some......well lots of, coffee. Some parents, I won't mention any names didn't get out of bed till almost 12pm.



Mostly Jeff and Eli were recovering from all their late nights up with each other. Di and I retired early a few nights to read our books and a couple of times from pure exhaustion, but we did try and compete with them and stayed up late a few nights.

There was a game room in the walk out level part of the cottage. Complete with foosball, air hockey, card table, big t.v., and dart board. Of coarse they brought playstation 2 complete with Madden.

Eli and Jeff kept a running tally of how well they did, because if you know Jeff and Eli, they are so competitive with each other ~ bragging rights.


They even competed on how many fish big fish they caught, which was NONE. They both will CLAIM they almost snagged one, but had nothing to show for it. I would definitely give them an A for effort though.




Jeff and I didn't do as well on our euchre streak as well as we have done in the past. I blame Jeff and his alcohol consumption.

The water was great. We had the whole lake and adjoining lake all to ourselves. At most we saw 2 other boats on the water at the same time.


The kids had a blast tubing. I think Ryan enjoyed himself the most. He is crazy and reminds me of my little bro when he was little...FEARLESS. Makenna even tubed with her Auntie, Uncle Jeff, and Daddy. I was a little sad that I didn't get to do that with her, but was great to be able to watch her enjoy it.




























Everyday we would take the pontoon boat to the sandbar, the boys would fish, the kids would swim, and Diane and I would work on our tan, talk, read and make sure nobody drowned. Makenna would crash out on the ride to or from the sandbar.



Almost every night before dinner, the kids would fish off the dock for pan fish. There were so many fish. You didn't even need bait and they would jump on the hook. Makenna even caught some all on her own.




Speaking of dinners, the food was fantastic every night. We all contributed, but I think the best meal was the one we all did together. Eli and Jeff marinated the chicken, Diane and I cooked it (while the guys were trying to catch the "big fish") and Diane made this pasta salad that was out of this world. She outdid herself. Diane and I had taken a trip to Houghton Lake earlier that day and bought all the fresh veggies and fruit at a great little homegrown market. Fresh cucumbers and tomatoes with a little salt and pepper, mmmmm.

Diane, Jeff, Eli and I worked as a team the entire week and we all had our little jobs that we did and were in charge of. Mine was to keep everyone in clean clothes. I probably did 3-4 loads a day. There was so much sand and the kids went through so many clothes and towels each day. I think I was even called the laundry Nazi. Diane even made me wash all the rugs in the cottage because they weren't clean enough for her. We all managed work together to keep the children happy, fed, somewhat clean.

The scenery was beautiful. Just sitting on the deck, you get lost in a zone. There was a rainbow that came out in the evening two days in row, when there wasn't even rain. It was beautiful.


The moon at night would literally glow off the water. The stars were magnificent.

My parents were able to come out and enjoy in the fun and arrived on Wednesday. With 11 people you would think that things could get a little sticky, but it was nothing but fun!

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil ~ The 3 Stooges

My Mom even slowed down enough to enjoy the book I finished earlier in the week.

It was peaceful and calm with no noise at times, except of coarse when you heard lots of laughter or when one of the little ones were a little tired. Erika, Lauren, Olivia, and Ryan shared a room with two bunk beds and Makenna had a room all to herself until Nana and Papa came, then she bunked with Eli and I.

A few nights we had a fire with s'mores for the kids and did sparklers that Uncle Dave bought for the kids. They loved it. The kids enjoyed the rides in the fishing boat and the paddle boat. There was so much to do and there was hardly ever a dull moment!






Pictures just don't do this trip justice. You can see the rest of them HERE. Diane and I were a little camera happy!

Vacation 2008